why do i keep trying this over and over? i do like to write, however, i cannot find the time or energy to consistently publish the way i would like to for the sake of those that would consistently read. i've only had one blog that i would consider a success (fourbladesofgrass) and the rest, were just not so.
"untitled" flopped, but was supposed to be my self-published blog via iWeb after i got Janice, my black macbook. it last two entries.
"my monogamy" flopped, but was supposed to be a self-reflective look at life and relationships, or at least an ironic turn of conscious blogging aimed at a significant relationship with an invisibilbe, intangible audience.
"shortonfish" flopped, but was supposed to be my return to the iWeb format, but with a content focused spin, as i was to center the blog on religious thought and society.
and finally, "deep fried cognizance", which hasn't really flopped as much as i just let it go. it was to focus on a collection of short stories. people were feeling the stories, but they were harder to produce than my own freewriting style. plus, i figured if a short-story blog got popular, it would be a matter of time before they were stolen for some random use somewhere else. so i'd rather bring them to this one and have them dilute among the other topics in this particular blog.
hence, i suppose this, "the stalemate", would be my response to just that, a stalemated situation where every other option has been tried and has failed. a resolve that has brought me back to my original position out of sheer default. this is to be a summation of all of the failed attempts to focus on a particular topic or style. yet, in hindsight, i see now that 4blades had that same outfit all along.
could i apply "stalemate" to the current events in my life? probably, but it would be a tricky equation. as i am currently leaving my job of 3 years during an economical storm, only to venture out into nothingness and hope to come back with an even stronger sense of myself and my purpose, no, i can't in all honesty say my life is truly stalemated. my state of mind, on the other hand, is a different story. it seems as though, after 3 years in nyc, learning about myself and my purpose, learning about my strengths and weaknesses, and surviving, my mindset is right back where it started at the beginning - lost.
so, here i am again. pouring myself out to strangers and friends like a bucket of oil on a hardwood floor. and yes, i still fancy random similes.
lets hope this accomplishes it's goal and last longer than two entries. if it doesn't i'll humbly accept the checkmate, and knock the king down.
No comments:
Post a Comment