lately, i have been in deep thought and contemplation about being a grown man. it has been a staple in my mind since i have moved to puerto rico. i moved here with no job, no housing, no friends, no prospects. i prayed and had faith that God was going to look out for me, since it was His will i figured i was following. and true to that will, I have been taken care of. car, job, apartment, friends, and getting used to the budget. I thank God for it. and whether it was the will of God or not (probably was) a lot has happened with me since my move here. a lot of growth has taken place. this isn't where i go in depth as to what those changes are. some are too lengthy, some are too personal. some i'm still hesitant to fully comprehend. but one thing is for sure, i have come to a point where i have a secure image of what a grown man is. the "grown man image", if you will. this is what i have so far:
1) Centered Belief System - whether christian, buddist, muslim, or other, a grown man needs to believe in a higher power than himself - even if that higher power is simply the force of science and logic to that of which he admittedly does not understand. without this understanding, he can come to confuse his success and victories as being solely the products of his own endeavor, inevitably leading to vanity, self-centeredness, and a God-like mentality. this is childish. not grown man.
2) Definition - we are not defined by our job. or are we defined by our social affiliations, sexual preferences, financial status, or degree completions. a grown man should not be referred to as "Roben - the doctor" or "Brian - the Q" or "Kenan - CEO of said company". the problem is that, it not up to the people who refer to a grown man to rectify this labeling, but up to us to be multi-faceted enough to eliminate the labels. a grown man has to be flexible enough to have his hand in several projects, putting on more lables than can be applied to him. we cannot be so close-minded that we cling to one arena of our lives. being active in one endeavor does not eliminate the chance to excel in another. a grown man is define himself not by that which he does, but by the passion which motivates him to do what he does. defining a person should not be so easy. as a grown man, i would rather my definition be more inexpressible.
3) Money - i'm not saying rich, but a man should know how to spend/not to spend his money. like, i'm not trying to be deep here. let's get real tangible with these next few. though they don't have to be mountains of cash, a grown man should have a savings account, a checking account, and an investment or too. that investment one might be a bit more difficult in today's economic climate, but a grown man should at least be able to be fully aware of what that climate is, and his plan to maneuver within it. even if that plan fails, it should be present.
4) Relationships - monogamy. say what you want, but dating multiple women is difficult. even leaving the moral aspect out of it, as a grown man, there's just not enough time. it's just not. all of that frustration and juggling, and keeping up with the dates, and what you said to this one, and what you said to that one, and who you took here and there, and the money spent. just logistically, it's easier, and more satisfying, to just be with one woman. i'm not saying be a saint. let's also be mature. if i'm not digging a woman, i should tell her. make it work or leave. i'm not saying that as a grown man one has to be married; i'm just saying that simultaneous dating situations unnecessary at this point.
5) Organization - i would like to have a clean place. not super clean. but clean. i should be able to go out, have a great night with a woman, and feel confident in the appearance of my home if she so feel the need to come inside. if she is thirsty, cool, i got that. and i have it because i bought more before i ran out! if she is sleepy, i got a tshirt for her, and it smells nice, because i washed my clothes. it's even comfortable because i used fabric softener. it softens the fucking fabric! when i have a problem with my bills and need to reference something, i should be able to pull out that folder or portfolio. i should be able to open the desk drawer and put my hands on it. my ties are with the other ties! my socks all have pairs! and where this may never be true, if i aim for it, just aim for it, half of this category i would consider to be "grown man".
6) Job - gotta have one. and whatever it is, be damn gotta try my best at it. if i'm looking for something else, i have to look for it while i have a job. if laid off, or fired, that new job is looking for a new job. income is necessary.
7) Calm Down - unless one is a promoter (per #6) everyone on the club scene should not know a grown man. period. don't get me wrong, some people are popular, and as such, going out to the club, they may just know everybody. that's fine. but if everyone knows a particular individual because they are always in the club, that's a problem. calm down. if a grown man is always at the club, then they can't be doing #1 - 6 right. and every woman remembers that old ass dude that was hitting on them while they were college girls enjoying the night out. yeah, a grown ass man, always in the club, he is that old ass dude hitting on the college girls now! 5 - 10 years ago, he'd be the guy that the college girls would cling to, saying, "dance with me, that creepy guy over there keeps looking at me, i feel more comfortable here with you..." yeah, then it was "thanks old ass dude". but that's not the case anymore. grown men cannot be at all the undergrad parties, should not show up at a multitude of frat bashes, and should not be going to probate shows, market fridays, high school/college pep rallies to enjoy themselves!
8) Bills - pay them.
9) Fun - after looking back at this list, i see that i have said a lot of things i think a grown man cannot do anymore. this is just to say that "fun"a the grown man point has changed. a friend of mine told me last night that, as a 25-year-old, i am officially in the grown-and-sexy bracket. this means that the party doesn't start until "Before I Let You Go" comes over the speakers. and i agree. this means that one drinks, but does not get drunk. i agree. this means that fighting in the club is an anomaly, especially considering the fact that the club itself is no longer the norm. house parties, poker nights, tailgates, football games, casinos, camping, rafting, hunting, pool, theatre, concerts, plays, growing drugs, stand-up comedy, speed dating, pottery, museums...all the things we couldn't do until we were 18 to 21, but couldn't afford until now, are actually fun things to do. grown man things to do.
10) Relax - i didn't think there would be 10 things here actually. i got all the way up to 6 and felt odd leaving it there. so i had to think more. so lastly, i think the image of a grown man is always one that gives the impression that things are in control. whether they are, or aren't. a man should have a plan. and though things don't always go according to that plan, there should be one. but even as such, a grown man can't flip out when the plan goes disarray. he should relax, things are what they are, and will be what they will be.
i didn't have a plan when i came to puerto rico. and though God looked out for me, I now know that there were many aspects of my life that i went without planning. many more aspects that were not grown man. i'm not there yet though, i'm working on it. trying to mold myself into this image of what being a mature, responsible, grown man is. some of this list may even change, or be added upon. but it's a start right? yeah, it's a start.
thanks.
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