i'm just not there...

"Let me know
Do I still got time to grow?
Things ain't always set in stone
That being known let me know
Let me

Seems like street lights glowing
Happen to be just like moments passing in front of me
So I hopped in the cab and
I paid my fares
See I know my destination
But I'm just not there"
- Kanye West, Street Lights

it peeks over the horizon like the break of dawn over an endless pasture. i suppose it has always been there though. in hindsight, i know that i have always been able to see aura of it. like the faint orange hue of that same dawn before the sun cracks over the edge of vision. yet, what perplexes me is that, though i see the prelude of its form, and can glimpse the outline of it's structure, it comes without crescendo. it is my future. and though i am able to see it take form right before my eyes, it comes without the cymbals, trumpets or percussion. it comes without explosion, blast, or fire. it edges toward the horizon without fanfare, without celebration, without applause.

without observance. but, somewhere, i thought it would have.

not that i knew it would, or wouldn't. but i suppose it was a hope. maybe i've seen too many movies. in the scripts of hollywood, once the characters destiny and purpose was realized, there was a moment, a sudden awakening in their very essence. the lighting would change. the wind would rustle in their air. the theme song would play softly int he background, and build to a mighty forefront as the protagonist races against time to fulfill said destiny and proclaim said purpose.

but not mine.

mine is a thief in the night for some reason. and the only reason i can think of is because it's not coming at all. it's always been there. it's stationary. the same way that the sun doesn't come or go, but rather, leaves the dynamics of dawn and dusk up to the planet's rotation. it is never the dawn we see breaking over the horizon really, it's Earth turning toward the Sun. and as such, i am now led to believe that my purpose hasn't started to approach me, but rather, it is I that has started to approach my purpose. it is i that come without fanfare or celebration. it is i that comes without percussion or horn. it is i coming over horizon like a thief in the night. moving slowly towards my future. hell, maybe my future is excited to see me. perhaps it's perplexed as to why i peek over the edge of vision without observance. for, it has been waiting for me. and i have been waiting to come upon it. but i am not there yet.

perhaps we all are walking our paths, blindly and ignorantly waiting for our destinies to meet us upon the road; where in reality, it is a static fixture, one which we approach in our own time, one that waits with infinite patience and tranquility. it makes me wonder.

it makes me wonder indeed.