by what mean

i feel myself getting older. technology passing by me in a way that makes me apathetic. i used to spend hours in the gadget stores. but now i feel like i'm barely keeping up. website creation is becoming second nature to the kids now, cpu programming is a cinch. programs, apps, platforms, operating systems, they are all being updated on a monthly, if not weekly basis. and if it's indeed daily, then it further shows how far out of the loop i am.

i want to create something awesome.

but i'm not a musician. i'm not an artist. i'm not even a writer.

what can i create? how can i make something out of a blank screen or canvas that represents the totality of the world that i envision - the project that consistently takes place in my mind. there is a concert, a film, a book, an album, and a design all sitting dormant in my brain. they are all rolled into one though, like a ball of variously colored rubber bands. and though i seek to find the right avenue in which to expose them, none seem to do justice. and so, i find myself reclusive of my vision. actualization seems impossible...just out of my grasp.