...and so it begins

as i sit here, at my desk, i procrastinate having to clean out my closet, having to pack my clothes, having to go through my files. i do not wish to mop the floors, or roll up the rugs, or organize the electronics.

i sold my tv.

by the end of this week, the majority of my life will be in route to atlanta, in various boxes of various sizes. the rest of my life will be with me, nicely compacted in the very trunk i brought up here with me. to new york. and now i'm leaving.

there's a lot i wanted to do here that i will not have done. and in exchange, there is much here that i did not plan to do, that i did.

one thing is for sure, in reference to the previous post "bread and circuses", and that's that fear is not real. it is manufactured. it is artificial. it is plastered over the news and throughout our media to keep us living in a state of emergency, to keep us clinging to that which we find security in. to keep us at our jobs, our homes, our investments, our mutual funds, our social security, our insurance programs. they keep is plugged into a state of anxiety and concern, concern that our lives and our well-being is always in the balance. that it is always in jeopardy of being taken away.

and if fear is real, it is not this. it is not this which is so easily cured with an address from the president, or so conveniently comforted by promises of change and hope. this is not fear, whatever it is. it is not real.

no, and after having written "bread and circuses" a post geared towards the fear i felt after an evening of watching a particularly intense session of news coverage, it was brought to my attention, it was reminded of me, that our world is so much better than we are deeming it. our society is so much more advanced than we are giving it credit for. there is no need to fear anything. there is no need to fear the unknown, or to be anxious about the future. situations arise, and we have to deal with it accordingly.

some days will be harder than others.

and as such, i approach this believe, leaving new york and the security of my own home, my own job, my degrees, my retirement fund, my investments, my relationships. leaving all for that which i cannot truly explain other than a whim of purpose and destiny. following the path laid out before me with only the faith that has been instilled in me by my parents and my parents' parents. and where this path isn't for everyone, it is the path for me, and requires me to leave everything i find comfort in, to pursue a foreign road.

and though i am aware of this, it doesn't make it any less difficult. hence, the clothes are still in my dresser, the dishes are still in the sink, and the closets are still full. my procrastination is a manifestation of human doubt and hesitation to let go. but as hesitant as i might be, each second keeps on moving, as if my doubt doesn't even exist.

therefore, i must emulate time, and press on irregardless of self-sustained bias or will. i must press on as if my waver doesn't exist. as if it's clockwork.

...and so it begins...