creep slow, move on

things have a way of creeping up on you. anything. everything. the best laid plans and the most subtle of surprises. even when you expect it the most, it still creeps up from behind and takes you by storm. i'm saying "you", but in truth, it may not be the case for "you". maybe it's just me. the entire concept of bracing yourself seems to be a facade to me, some illusion to help me cope with the thought of never being fully prepared for the inevitable. the only thing i can ever truly do, is begin. after that, things go. until it stops.

think of it like a roller coaster. the only thing you can ever really do it get on. after that, you're a victim to the machine until the ride is done. even if you did manage to stop the coaster, mid-drop, you're still not where you started. you're still mid-drop. and as much as you might prepare for said drop, it never really takes away the exhilarating feeling of your stomach jumping to your throat.

but alas, that's me doing the "you" thing again. i know i'm talking about me here.

let's take sleep, or driving, or eating, or taking a dump, or reading a book, or drinking a glass of fucking water. it's all the same. none of these actions ever exist until they are started. and once they are started, everything after that is subject to the relative will and instantaneous moment in which they then exist. this is not to say that control isn't present, no, remember in the previous analogy where you/me stopped the roller coaster mid-drop. yeah, control is present. yet, to the extent in which control is present in a given situation or scenario is another conversation and topic altogether. no, my point here is that regardless of what happens, once your start something, no matter how prepared you are, the inevitable still has a way of getting the best of you.

sorry, i meant, best of me.

truth is, i'm over-exaggerating and over-analyzing the sensation that i'm getting right now in my recent move to Carolina, Puerto Rico. and though I have tried my best to be prepared for this move (and I like to believe I did a good job for my give intentions), the sensation has just now crept up on me, and I am feeling the weight of the situation. this was the plan though. this was the point. to close my eyes and jump out of the airplane, not cognizant of the free-fall until i was free-falling. and now i am, and i feel it indeed.

but it's not a bad thing. it's just a thing. it is what it is. and it ain't what it isn't.

so either way it goes, and whether this applies to the general public, just a few, or but that one; i do believe that bracing oneself is a gimmick that fools our minds into believing that we can handle that which we truly cannot. but in the end, we do stand it, we do endure. our souls are never unhindged and our spirits are never forgotten. we press on. in our own ways and in our own time, we press on. when we face the impossible and stand against all odds, we press on. using the tools we're given, the strength we've gained, the wisdom we've acquired and the faith that has been bestowed upon us, we press on into the exhilarating experiences that will inevitably define our being.

we. you and me. because we started it.