dealing with disappointment

when my brother was a young guy, he used to be a crybaby. he would cry about anything. most times, it was actually stuff worth crying about - getting in trouble, hurting himself, getting in trouble again, hurting himself again. just stuff. one day though, my dad turned to him, apparently in a time that he had hurt himself, and proceeded to tell this little boy of 5 or 6 years old, to say "fuck it". my brother, confused, and somewhat entertained, stopped crying immediately at the surprise of hearing our father even say a cursing word. the part about him saying it hadn't even sunk in yet. so dad told him again, "frank, say, 'fuck it'".

this being one of the words/phrases that was in my brothers' "do not say" section of his lexicon, frank still looked perplexed, trying to figure out if this was a trick, or some weird gesture to get him into trouble after being hurt. kinda like an "injury to insult" thing. acknowledging this confusion, my dad stopped down to look him in the face. whatever it was frank had been crying about was addressed when dad said, "hey, is crying going to fix it?" frank replied, still of tears in his throat, "noo..." dad continued, "is crying going to make it better? or solve the problem in any way?" frank, now catching on, and replying with a slight inflection in tone to imply as much, says, "no..." dad continues, "is there anything you can do to change what just happened? or to do anything about it now?" frank, not able to do much at 6 anyway, but catching the gist at this point, looks dad in the eyes and says firmly, "no."

so, say, "fuck it" and leave it alone, dad says.

frank, eager and excited now with both his new understanding of the way of the world, and realizing the authority and permission to curse in front of dad, says enthusiastically, "yeah! fuck it!"

"say it again!" dad says with a sly grin on his face.

"FUCK IT!" frank exclaims, and with all the energy and exuberance you would expect a 6 year old to say such in front of his dad with permission. he even held his head in a way of authority, cocked ever so slightly to the side to really give him the gusto in owning the phrase.

present day, ain't too much that can get to my brother. and "fuck it" is in the daily vocabulary as, apparently, things often come up that need to have themselves fucked. milk spills, batteries die, stained shirt, out of gas, burned toast, girlfriend pissed, dropped food. all of it is easily remedied with the simple, eloquent phrase of "fuck it".

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i bring this up because i've had to say "fuck it" quite a but lately. disappointment is real. it's a part of life. it's a necessary facet in the equation of growth and endurance. it is inevitable, but never is it permanent. it's strong, but we can be stronger. and where "fuck it" might easily take care of getting hurt, and getting in trouble, it is but one step in the path of dealing with disappointment.

what's more, living in puerto rico now, it has been a constant chore to remind people that i do still have negative experiences. this was something i had to grow to accept though. it's hard to gripe about things when you just moved to a tropical island full of beautiful women and cheap liquor. it was hard for me to even admit to myself that negative experiences were even a part of the equation here. how could i be down when i live on the beach? how can i be running into hard times when people are walking around in bikini's at the end of October. it didn't even make sense to me, so I dared not share it with others, for the risk of sounding obnoxious or selfish. but fuck it. shit does happen, even on a tropical island full of bikini-clad island models. it does! i promise you it does!

so, when disappointment strikes, you gotta deal with it. so, this is what i do. the Reggie strategy for dealing with disappointment:
1) take 10-15 minutes to feel bad about it. cry, pout, hit something, yell, curse, whatever. vent.

2) drop it, and do something that makes you feel good. and i mean, makes you feel great. not anything like masturbation or scratching your back on a tree. no, those are too physical and too temporary. this has to be an act of significance. something that makes you feel good every single time you do it. like, cooking, or painting, or exercising, or watching your favorite tv show, or tripping up joggers in the park, or shooting pigeons, anything. (mine is frying chicken, while drinking beer and listening to great music).

3) plan. after you've vented, and after you've felt better, now it's time to plot your revenge. how can you make up for your losses? how can you take your result in a new direction? what is your ext course of action?

4) pray. meditate. moment of silence. i know many might think this should be first, but nah. doing this step before the others just relocates the venting step, and then nothing gets accomplished. this moment is to guide the productivity of your future, not to console the misfortune of your past. that's what the fried chicken is for.

and there you have it. the 4-step plan to getting over disappointment. doesn't work all the time, but definitely does the job most of the time. and if it doesn't get the job done right, fuck it. you'll be alright, one way or the other right.

have a nice day.