less naps (part 1)

i have come to some theories since i have been here in puerto rico.

1. assimilation is a skill. adaptation and transformation is a craft. just like any other. just like playing the trumpet. just like riding a bike. it's something that is learned, and afterwards, must be practiced. i have noticed, i went through a lot when i moved to new york. i had to go broke several times in order to get used to my budget. i had to get lost several times in order to learn my way. i had to lose several friends before i learned how to keep in touch. i had to lose my mind, lose my way, lose my faith, lose my motivation and lose myself...all in order to find them again, broken, and fix them to what they had to be in order to survive in my new environment. i had to build upon myself in order to live. it was a part of the process, i know that now. i had to change in order to adapt. it's the very essence of the word, it's the very definition. i was foolish to assume that i could adapt without changing. that's like one saying they're going swimming, but not getting in the water. like, they don't want to get wet. you can't adapt without change. you can't assimilate without having become something, someone new. something different. and as such, puerto rico is my second round with this assimilation thing. and i have found, that just as anything you practice, i have gotten better at it. the very things that it took me a year to do in new york, i have done in 2 months here. the changes i had to endure the first round are but preliminaries now. in the last 2 months, i have lost what was necessary in order to rebuild, and i am conscious of the changes that need to be made. that's something that took much longer while in the ny area.

what concerns me is what comes after that.

once i have expedited the assimilation process as i know it to be, what comes after? all i know is that there is more. i only know that this is just the beginning. i am grasping the notion of how grand the task before me is. that everything that i have exprienced up to this point in my life was simply training camp. just practice.

very soon, the refs are going to tell me to take my mark. i will get in my stance, ready or not, mentally going through every skill i have and know, analyzing what i will have to use, and when, in order to finish the race. let alone win. and what's more, what's most important, is that when that gun goes off, all of my analyzing, strategy, planning, preparing and thinking will go straight out of the window. life at that point will be 98% instinct, as the speed of my existence will dominate the force of my drive. leave 2% for sleep. all within the framework of God's will and the forces of those that seek to destroy that which is good and righteous. for we all operate within that framework, whether we are conscious of it or not. it is this practice, the tools that i have gained in my time away from home that will craft and mold my instinct, that will be the base and foundation of my decisions. even the replies to my prayers are telling me to make my own choices, based off the tools and resources that have been granted to me. "racing to the starting line" (thanks G).

but again, that's the 1st running theory since i've been here.

2. the second theory is that between all the assimilating and adjusting, i'm not really spending my time here well. i stay in a lot. and though i know that that's somewhat due to the "being broke"/"being lost" aspect of the assimilation process, AND somewhat due to my opinion that there's not much to do here beyond beach and clubs, i also acknowledge that it's really just me. hesistant to really go out and adventure. not taking advantage of the xperience in it's fullness because, honestly, i think that i've done well just making it this far.


just yesterday, happy thanksgiving, i traveled with a friend to celebrate thanksgiving with they're family. it was cool. the turkey was good, the stuffing was the truth, and they kept serving me wine for some reason. i had one glass and said it was good wine, and after that they just kept up filling it up. it became "the American's bottle of wine". it was odd, but neiter here nor there i suppose. the point is that i had to drive to an entirely different part of the island. and it was beautiful. and remote. for fun, the teenagers were riding skateboards and horses down the street. yes, same time, same street. it was a little paved hill. at one point, one would lay on his back on the skateboard, and speed down the hill. and just after him, another would jump on the horse and gallop after him as if it were a race. but it wasn't a race, it was just something to do. just as the neighbors next door built a huge skateboard ramp. the kinds you see on ESPN and G4 stations. just built in the backyard. and everyone was on it. some people were just chilling in the middle, the others were dodging the people in the middle as they skateboarded around them.

but you don't get this type of stuff on my block. i live in the city part of the island. i'm here. i made it, but i have become content with my accomplishment. after praying, planning and preparing, i have survived to this juncture, and have forgotten that one simple thing: that there's more. and i don't know exactly when that more is enough, but i know it's not now. i know it's not yet. just as i knew that it was the right time to venture from brooklyn to here, i have to hope that i realize the same of this place. but i can't do that staying on isle verde ave. i have to go out to where the horse race the skateboards. to where chickens cross the roads and it isn't a riddle. to where random pizza/fruit stands are on the street corners like beef patty stands are on the blocks in Queens.

and that's just all i saw yesterday.

3. there is a three, but one and two were dense. i'll save #3 for another time, another post. i need to get out and reflect, walk on the beach or something. go strike up a random conversation in spanish and try to learn something from it. or at the very least open up a window, play some music, and not take another nap.

enjoy the day. live it up. and don't eat any morcilla.