I'm really trying here to better myself. On every single level. But I promise, everytime I write list to be productive, I end up doing everything but what's on that list. Maybe I should make a list of all the things I want to do to procrastinate. Yeah, that's it. I'm going to make a list of all the things that I would normally do to avoid doing the things I've set out to do, in hopes of avoiding the things I would normally avoid, and do the things I was trying to avoid in the first place (go ahead, read it again, I read it three times to verify accuracy). The list will look something like this:
1) Don't set alarm clock at all
2) Upon waking up, just go back to sleep.
3) Upon finally getting up, don't mediate, pray, read, or exercise - flip through netflix or hulu and see what you can come up with to kill time. Nevermind that you really don't want to watch anything in particular, just scroll through, and something will surely catch your eye.
4) Wear whatever is closest to you.
5) Make your office space messier. Find some mail or random magazines to put on your desk, because it's not cluttered enough.
6) Call someone while they're at work and forget that they're at work. Just chat away as if what they're doing is not important.
7) Have a staring contest with your bills.
8) Take a nap. What? You're not sleepy. I don't care. Go the F#ck to Sleep.
9) Wake up and find something interesting online, then share it with everyone on every social networking site you're a member of. Don't worry, everyone will like it because everyone has the same interests as you do.
10) Start doing something productive 25 minutes before you have to be somewhere. That way, it's a win-win. Either you'll leave, and abandon what you're doing, using your departure as an excuse; or you'll stay and be late to the thing, using your productivity as an excuse. Either way, you're a failure. Which, by this list's standards, is success. Congratulations.
And there we have it. I'll give it a whirl and see what happens...
Thursday, January 12, 2012
Saturday, August 13, 2011
Monday, June 13, 2011
Nightmares on Camp Creek Pkwy.
The last few nights have been odd. My dreams have been of stress, worry, concern, and sadness. More than anything, there has been a sincere feel of disappointment. They have actually be so intense, they take about 20-30 minutes to convince myself that it wasn't real - that the event or occurrence only took place in my head. I wake up searching, longing for resolution. It takes about an hour to shake the feeling entirely. What's wrong?
In one dream, the class I just started teaching, was a team that I was coaching. We were in the locker room during, what must have been halftime of whatever sport we were playing, and they were losing badly. The loss wasn't that bad, teams lose sometimes, I understand that, I even understood it then. My source of disappointment was that my motivation speech was not going over well at all. Some of the students were downright ignoring me, playing games, sleeping, or blatantly being distractive to others. In a fit of frustration, I took one kid's Gameboy and threw it to the ground, which made me all the more disappointed in myself. Then, I realized the speech grew too long, and I was late to a meeting at my job. No, on second thought, it wasn't a dream, it was a conference, in Dallas. Specifically, I was supposed to be at Dallas, Fort Worth, which is the airport in Dallas, but for whatever reason, I was supposed to be driving there. I panicked, and found myself waking up, searching for the alarm clock to see how much time I had to speed to Texas. When I found that it was but 7am, I relaxed and rolled over, thinking that I didn't have to leave until 10am. In reality, it was Saturday, and I didn't have anywhere to be until late afternoon. For the next hour though, I slept lightly, as if I really did have to wake up at 10. By 9:30 though, I realized it was all a dream.
In another dream, I was a kid, having a birthday party, and no one showed up. My sister and I were preparing the party, cooking a bit, cleaning a bit, and then I went to sleep, fully expecting to see loads of friends and family downstairs in the kitchen when I awoke. Only, when I awoke, in reality, I listened downstairs and heard no one. Then I drifted back off to sleep, where my dream self walked downstairs and confirmed the nothing I heard when I woke up just moments before. If you think it's confusing to read, just imagine how confusing it was to experience.
There were several other dreams that had the same effect. I have no idea what's going on. The run-of-the-mill answer is the drastic change in my stress-sleep ratio in the last week. But alas, it may be deeper.
I hope it's not though.
In one dream, the class I just started teaching, was a team that I was coaching. We were in the locker room during, what must have been halftime of whatever sport we were playing, and they were losing badly. The loss wasn't that bad, teams lose sometimes, I understand that, I even understood it then. My source of disappointment was that my motivation speech was not going over well at all. Some of the students were downright ignoring me, playing games, sleeping, or blatantly being distractive to others. In a fit of frustration, I took one kid's Gameboy and threw it to the ground, which made me all the more disappointed in myself. Then, I realized the speech grew too long, and I was late to a meeting at my job. No, on second thought, it wasn't a dream, it was a conference, in Dallas. Specifically, I was supposed to be at Dallas, Fort Worth, which is the airport in Dallas, but for whatever reason, I was supposed to be driving there. I panicked, and found myself waking up, searching for the alarm clock to see how much time I had to speed to Texas. When I found that it was but 7am, I relaxed and rolled over, thinking that I didn't have to leave until 10am. In reality, it was Saturday, and I didn't have anywhere to be until late afternoon. For the next hour though, I slept lightly, as if I really did have to wake up at 10. By 9:30 though, I realized it was all a dream.
In another dream, I was a kid, having a birthday party, and no one showed up. My sister and I were preparing the party, cooking a bit, cleaning a bit, and then I went to sleep, fully expecting to see loads of friends and family downstairs in the kitchen when I awoke. Only, when I awoke, in reality, I listened downstairs and heard no one. Then I drifted back off to sleep, where my dream self walked downstairs and confirmed the nothing I heard when I woke up just moments before. If you think it's confusing to read, just imagine how confusing it was to experience.
There were several other dreams that had the same effect. I have no idea what's going on. The run-of-the-mill answer is the drastic change in my stress-sleep ratio in the last week. But alas, it may be deeper.
I hope it's not though.
Cinematic Dilemma
So, I've been holding off on seeing Iron Man 2 since it came out because the Mrs. said she wanted to see it too. Yet, at every chance to check it out, I've veered from it because I keep hearing it's not good, or at least not as good as the first one, which she loved. On the other hand, it's seems like the perfect movie to watch when I'm up late by myself (I reserve all overrated movies for late nights alone, so as to appreciate them at a much lower expectancy rate...the last one was From Paris with Love, which was an excellent movie for 3am. I would have hated it had I seen it during hours I actually care about). So what to do? Do I look past Gigi's wanting to see it, confident that she wouldn't like it and therefore saving her two hours of her life? Or do I wait to watch it with her on a night we just want to get it over with, just to be a man of my word.
Answer: blog about it, knowing she'll read about it later and tell you to go ahead and watch it alone, in exchange for a RomCom later starring Amy Adams, Ryan Gosling, and/or Louis Gossett Jr.
Sunday, June 12, 2011
things I write when my fiance is taking a nap
I just spent the last 30 minutes revamping all of my blogsite just now, only to sit here and have nothing to write. Waste of time? Maybe. Waste of energy? Possibly. Waste of...well, there's nothing else then is there. I suppose that's all we ever truly have, time and energy. If you're wasting both of those, then, well, you're wasting everything. Hell, could I have just wasted everything, the entire essence of myself, on this blog?? Nah, that's my problem, I turn things that should be small into huge, live-changing, all-encompassing ordeals. I always make things so transcendental. 30 minutes on blogger has now turned into some mind-blowing, spiritual epiphany about that which we as humans have to offer to all of existence.
though, neither time nor energy are truly ours to give is it?
I mean, if they were, then we would be able to give it freely to others. But we can't.
The more important question at hand here is, as always, why am I writing. I've figured recently that my life has taken a slightly more public turn as of lately, so I'm much more cognizant of what I write. This isn't a bad thing, it just means that I don't write as freely here as I did in the good ol' glory days of my previous blog(s). So, in turn, where I used to write solely for myself, I suppose now I write for both myself and a vague undefined audience, the likes of which have vague and undefined intentions for reading as far as I know. Some of those intentions may even be ill. That's right, ill intentions. As if they have some sort of ill-intent. Reading right now they are. Probably tax collectors. Trying to figure out if I make more than I say I do. Looking for pictures of me riding around in my 4-acre manmade backyard pool on a dolphin, whose fins are dipped in gold, while sipping on margaritas, with torn leaves of hundred-dollar bills and the rim of the glass coated ever so lightly with cocaine. Well, then, ill-intention tax-collector, I know of your intent, and for that reason, I won't upload that particular photo.
Check, and mate.
though, neither time nor energy are truly ours to give is it?
I mean, if they were, then we would be able to give it freely to others. But we can't.
The more important question at hand here is, as always, why am I writing. I've figured recently that my life has taken a slightly more public turn as of lately, so I'm much more cognizant of what I write. This isn't a bad thing, it just means that I don't write as freely here as I did in the good ol' glory days of my previous blog(s). So, in turn, where I used to write solely for myself, I suppose now I write for both myself and a vague undefined audience, the likes of which have vague and undefined intentions for reading as far as I know. Some of those intentions may even be ill. That's right, ill intentions. As if they have some sort of ill-intent. Reading right now they are. Probably tax collectors. Trying to figure out if I make more than I say I do. Looking for pictures of me riding around in my 4-acre manmade backyard pool on a dolphin, whose fins are dipped in gold, while sipping on margaritas, with torn leaves of hundred-dollar bills and the rim of the glass coated ever so lightly with cocaine. Well, then, ill-intention tax-collector, I know of your intent, and for that reason, I won't upload that particular photo.
Check, and mate.
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
by what mean
i feel myself getting older. technology passing by me in a way that makes me apathetic. i used to spend hours in the gadget stores. but now i feel like i'm barely keeping up. website creation is becoming second nature to the kids now, cpu programming is a cinch. programs, apps, platforms, operating systems, they are all being updated on a monthly, if not weekly basis. and if it's indeed daily, then it further shows how far out of the loop i am.
i want to create something awesome.
but i'm not a musician. i'm not an artist. i'm not even a writer.
what can i create? how can i make something out of a blank screen or canvas that represents the totality of the world that i envision - the project that consistently takes place in my mind. there is a concert, a film, a book, an album, and a design all sitting dormant in my brain. they are all rolled into one though, like a ball of variously colored rubber bands. and though i seek to find the right avenue in which to expose them, none seem to do justice. and so, i find myself reclusive of my vision. actualization seems impossible...just out of my grasp.
i want to create something awesome.
but i'm not a musician. i'm not an artist. i'm not even a writer.
what can i create? how can i make something out of a blank screen or canvas that represents the totality of the world that i envision - the project that consistently takes place in my mind. there is a concert, a film, a book, an album, and a design all sitting dormant in my brain. they are all rolled into one though, like a ball of variously colored rubber bands. and though i seek to find the right avenue in which to expose them, none seem to do justice. and so, i find myself reclusive of my vision. actualization seems impossible...just out of my grasp.
Saturday, February 27, 2010
snapshot
things got so serious all of a sudden, didn't they.i'm not sure when exactly, but, i feel that i've been chasing that which i had. of course, that which i had is gone now, but was it only a matter of location? or job? or certain friends?
i found myself looking through some pictures stored on my old computer. pictures i hadn't seen in years. since i uploaded them on the hard drive really. and as i was going through them, i realized that, i was really happy when i was living in new york.
of course though, this could be for a number of reasons. but ultimately, i feel like i was so happy because it was an escape. here, in atlanta, i feel the pressure to be a certain somebody. i feel like i'm expected by various individuals and entities to answer a calling on my life that i actually believe to be true, but have yet to really step up to. you see, my image of a minister is that which i know from being raised in the church, and that which i want it to be in my own opinion. as such, it requires some lifestyle changes for myself. and here in atlanta, it also means picking up certain allegiances and obligations that i couldn't care less about. it means subscribing to the family drama of churches and battles of loyalty. it means not hanging out at the bar without getting judged or having to supervise my image. it means being ever cognizant of my actions, as a role model and public figure of the community. it means sacrifice, to pick up the habits of that which i do not know. and to be honest, that frightens me.
but it's not just that though. i can't sit here in all honesty and blame ministry as to why i'm not living like i used to. it took a long time for me to cultivate a sense of family and friends in new york. it wasn't always so peachy. i suppose though (and excuse me, this is just me thinking as i type), i suppose it could just be that coming back to atlanta is not what i thought it would be. the network and friends that i thought i had, i just don't. and now i've been gone from nyc so long i don't think i have it there either.
sigh, i dare not look a gift horse in the mouth though. i have great friends here in atlanta. my girlfriend is awesome, the friends i have here are the truth, and i really do have fun times here. i do. i'm not talking about the quality of life i feel here. no, on the contrary, i am living well back here in atlanta. right now though, i am referring to how i feel. i feel like, like, like i'm in limbo. like i'm not doing what i'm supposed to be doing. i feel like i was happy as a teacher. i feel like i'd be happy as a minister. but right now i'm not doing either, because of making the transition from one to the other. it's not the smooth transition i thought, and that i hoped, it would be.
why isn't it?
no one told me that it would be. but, i suppose i figured that if God ordained a path for me to take and walk upon, that path would be made plain, that it would be made available to me. i figured i wouldn't have so many questions, or so many doubts. i didn't think it would be this...uncomfortable. i question whether or not i should move again, or not go to seminary, or go to a different seminary, or any other host of random questions that might make this journey make sense.
because it doesn't right now.
right now it feels like my soul has it's shoe's on the wrong feet. thankful that it has shoes at all, it doesn't want to complain, or question the quality of the shoes, but can't shake the feeling that it may not be right. is this how my life is supposed to feel right now? like i'm wearing my shirt backwards? like the milk in my cereal might be a day too old? like going through the day wondering if i cut off the iron before i left home?
am i supposed to feel like that daily?
especially when i used t
o feel like i could fly? when i used to feel like i could see the lights of life right before my eyes. when there was no weight in the world, and the sense of obligations and allegiances were too far away to matter. when life was a blur, only captured by brief moments of camera stills and conversations with old friends. why don't i feel that now? why don't i feel like life is simple anymore, or as small as it used to be? why don't i feel at home in the place i call home?some would argue that it's just a matter of growing up. some would argue that it's high time i was pulled down from the idealistic ninth cloud i was renting for so long. some would even argue that the path of a minister is as such. worse before it gets better.
my hope is that it's neither of these things. i hope that what i'm going through is what any and everyone goes through when they break from what they know to connect to something new. like a toothbrush, or a pair of shoes - even if they are on the wrong feet. i hope that it's a matter of breaking in a new path in life, very different from my old one. i hope that i find as much freedom and comfort as i remember having, or more, or different, or of more significance.
these are but hopes though. hopes that i'm doing the right thing. and not making a mistake.
because sometimes, it sure feels like it.
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
write. read. live. again.
funny how when someone close to you recommends something, you ignore it; and yet, when someone else recommends the same thing, it is all of a sudden an epiphany.
my mom told me i should be writing all of my experiences down to refer to later. my old Shakespeare professor said the same, and now i feel that it's a great idea. this makes me a jerk son. i called mom later and told her thanks for all the good advice through the years. so at least now i'm a thankful jerk.
that's a start.
my mom told me i should be writing all of my experiences down to refer to later. my old Shakespeare professor said the same, and now i feel that it's a great idea. this makes me a jerk son. i called mom later and told her thanks for all the good advice through the years. so at least now i'm a thankful jerk.
that's a start.
Monday, January 4, 2010
the specifics
i should write what i'm thinking right now. if for no other reason than to look back on it years from now and laugh, or wonder, or cry, or something. hindsight always paints things in such a pleasant hue. just today, i was reflecting on how much i miss teaching in new york city, and i do. then i read a blog entry about how tired i was and how i wish i could find a job where i could make my own schedule. ha, irony.
but i digress.
the following is a problem without a solution:
i want to be a preacher and teacher. to be more specific, i want to be a professor, God wants me to be a preacher. to be even more specific, i will probably be both either way it goes. so, thankfully, the question of "which?" is not the problem.
the question, rather, is "how?", or, more specifically, "what path?"
you see, i have been accepted into Emory University's seminary program (thank you, i'm excited), starting this fall. yet, i'm accepted into their Masters of Divinity MDiv program, which is tailored for those going into ministry for their main profession, which i probably need. it's a three-year program. subsequently, they also have a Masters of Theological Studies MTS program, which is tailored for those preparing to go into a academic profession (teacher or researcher), which I would love. this program is two years.
yes, i'm clear that within either program, i can tweak what i need to be able to suit my amibitions either way. that's what makes this most difficult. i want to pursue a PhD, so that's more geared towards the MTS program. i want to be a good minister, so that's more MDiv. i want to be a professor - MTS. i want to be involved with community development through church organization - MDiv. i'd much rather two years than three - MTS. i'd like to learn hebrew to interpret old testement scriptures - MDiv.
to be more specific, i know i need a degree to teach on a college level, so thats more MTS. yet, if i am ever called to be a pastor, a MDiv will be more appropriate.
this is what is keeping me up at 3am this fine january morning. the leaning right now is to go for a MDiv with a concentration on Biblical Interpretations (the Hebrew thing), which will be much like getting the degree for being a minister, with a heavy focus on academic research and theology - the likes of which may serve as a good foundation for a PhD in religion and grounds for professorship.
we'll see.
the weight of this decision carries that of the same weight of any other. it will forever determine the friends i make. the relationships i form. the doors that are opened. the opportunities that are closed. the direction of my life and the lives that i affect for years to come.
it's kinda interesting to look back at these decisions before they're made and understand at least one of the two paths and the destination that came of it. hence, i write this. and granted that you're reading this years ahead from now, just think of ironic everything turned out. think of how everything just seemed to fall in place, coming from this point where you couldn't even figure out the first step. that's the blessing of all of it. that's how specific it all really is. every detail.
go on to bed, don't lose any more sleep over it. it will all be ok. goodnight. goodnight indeed.
but i digress.
the following is a problem without a solution:
i want to be a preacher and teacher. to be more specific, i want to be a professor, God wants me to be a preacher. to be even more specific, i will probably be both either way it goes. so, thankfully, the question of "which?" is not the problem.
the question, rather, is "how?", or, more specifically, "what path?"
you see, i have been accepted into Emory University's seminary program (thank you, i'm excited), starting this fall. yet, i'm accepted into their Masters of Divinity MDiv program, which is tailored for those going into ministry for their main profession, which i probably need. it's a three-year program. subsequently, they also have a Masters of Theological Studies MTS program, which is tailored for those preparing to go into a academic profession (teacher or researcher), which I would love. this program is two years.
yes, i'm clear that within either program, i can tweak what i need to be able to suit my amibitions either way. that's what makes this most difficult. i want to pursue a PhD, so that's more geared towards the MTS program. i want to be a good minister, so that's more MDiv. i want to be a professor - MTS. i want to be involved with community development through church organization - MDiv. i'd much rather two years than three - MTS. i'd like to learn hebrew to interpret old testement scriptures - MDiv.
to be more specific, i know i need a degree to teach on a college level, so thats more MTS. yet, if i am ever called to be a pastor, a MDiv will be more appropriate.
this is what is keeping me up at 3am this fine january morning. the leaning right now is to go for a MDiv with a concentration on Biblical Interpretations (the Hebrew thing), which will be much like getting the degree for being a minister, with a heavy focus on academic research and theology - the likes of which may serve as a good foundation for a PhD in religion and grounds for professorship.
we'll see.
the weight of this decision carries that of the same weight of any other. it will forever determine the friends i make. the relationships i form. the doors that are opened. the opportunities that are closed. the direction of my life and the lives that i affect for years to come.
it's kinda interesting to look back at these decisions before they're made and understand at least one of the two paths and the destination that came of it. hence, i write this. and granted that you're reading this years ahead from now, just think of ironic everything turned out. think of how everything just seemed to fall in place, coming from this point where you couldn't even figure out the first step. that's the blessing of all of it. that's how specific it all really is. every detail.
go on to bed, don't lose any more sleep over it. it will all be ok. goodnight. goodnight indeed.
the lack of ups and downs
the ups and downs will come. yet, for some reason, when things seem too good, we feel as though it should come at a price. "ups" without "downs" seems implausible. seems surreal. we get the notion that it shouldn't be; that's it's just not right. we may even get the urge to manufacture turmoil solely to validate that which seems too good to be true. or maybe that's just me.
you see, it's hard to believe that happiness just arrives at your doorstep. it's difficult to imagine that joy can come so freely. in all facets of storytelling, be it book, films, song, or folklore, happiness comes only after struggle; only after the conflict has been resolved. even when said tales begin in a happy setting, it is succeeded by struggle or despair to be overcome, only to arrive to happiness again in the end. is that the story of life? or is that simply the art of storytelling?
the ups and downs will come. i'm sure. that's been the pattern so far. it's just that, when the "up" seems so sudden, and so...tailored, it gets a bit scary. it's as if the "down" may come just as quickly. it's like expecting a drop at any second because you're aware of how high you've gotten in such a short amount of time.
i know, i know, i shouldn't be focused on the fear. and i won't, i pseudo promise. but, one can't help but wonder. right? i mean, when such a positive thing comes out of no where, you have to wonder what you did to deserve it. or if you even deserve it at all.
i'm sure i don't. so i'll just have to be sure to remember that. through the ups and downs and all the time in between. because that's what 'happy' is, isn't it?
you see, it's hard to believe that happiness just arrives at your doorstep. it's difficult to imagine that joy can come so freely. in all facets of storytelling, be it book, films, song, or folklore, happiness comes only after struggle; only after the conflict has been resolved. even when said tales begin in a happy setting, it is succeeded by struggle or despair to be overcome, only to arrive to happiness again in the end. is that the story of life? or is that simply the art of storytelling?
the ups and downs will come. i'm sure. that's been the pattern so far. it's just that, when the "up" seems so sudden, and so...tailored, it gets a bit scary. it's as if the "down" may come just as quickly. it's like expecting a drop at any second because you're aware of how high you've gotten in such a short amount of time.
i know, i know, i shouldn't be focused on the fear. and i won't, i pseudo promise. but, one can't help but wonder. right? i mean, when such a positive thing comes out of no where, you have to wonder what you did to deserve it. or if you even deserve it at all.
i'm sure i don't. so i'll just have to be sure to remember that. through the ups and downs and all the time in between. because that's what 'happy' is, isn't it?
Friday, October 9, 2009
Stupid Democrats
So let's get this straight. In 2006, we, the constituents of America, hand you Congress. Gift wrapped with a bow. We attached a nice note that said, "I've liked you since the 2nd grade." We even threw in a bag of candy hearts that said "be mine".
At which point, you put forth a few good ideas. You put forth some pretty monumental efforts. Yet, it was all only the vast majority of them to be shot down by President Bush, or result in a financial bailout for corporations that likely had a significant role to play in the countries economic downward spiral in the first place. But we, the constituents, looked past that. We understood that the reason you couldn't come to the movies to make out was that your daddy wouldn't let you out the house. The reason you couldn't be the prom queen was because the principal wouldn't sign off on the tiara. The reason you couldn't pitch was because coach would let you out the dugout.
So, in Nov. 2008, we changed the coach, so you could throw your no-hitter game. We gave you a new principal so that you could shine in your majestic glory. We gave you a new Daddy, Democrats, a new daddy!
Metaphors aside for a moment. Really, for all the roadblocks you hit while Bush was in office, we overwhelmingly voted in a new leader to the White House to alleviate your pain and suffering. We, as a nation, sighed a sigh of relief to the notion that "now, ok, now things will get done". Dems own Congress, in need of no Republican support whatsoever from Senate or the House of Representatives. Dems own the White House, no opposition from the President, as he's more visionary than most and is really, and I mean really trying to get things done. So now, with all of these pieces in place for Democrats as a group to do literally whatever you wanted with any aspect of our federal government, the first and ONLY thing you all decide to do is.........
Squabble.
I promise. If 2012 rolls around and we haven't reformed healthcare, made progress in Afghanistan, stopped the national economic tailspin, AND closed Guantanamo Bay, I'm switchin parties! Not only am I switching, but I'm campaigning, hard. For whomever the hell is not Republican or Democratic Party. I'll listen to any other party out there Independent, Green, Black Panther, you name it!
Because really, what's your excuse? WHAT IS YOUR EXCUSE!? You have none! Your opposition is insignificant! It's like your playing football and the defense only has 3 people on the other side of the scrimmage - and you jackasses are arguing about which play you want to execute to score the touchdown! How do you not realize that it doesn't matter what the hell you do, we just want to score!!
And so now, you blame Republicans for playing politics. You blame insurance companies for ambushing town hall meetings and spreading false rumors. You blame the previous administration for leaving such a huge mess left to clean up. But really, where I am sure all of those excuses are real and factual - it's October. It is October. It is October. And besides pulling the trigger on a stimulus package that was already halfway written this time last year, you have nothing to show for yourselves.
This is the epitome of shameful. Stupid Democrats.
At which point, you put forth a few good ideas. You put forth some pretty monumental efforts. Yet, it was all only the vast majority of them to be shot down by President Bush, or result in a financial bailout for corporations that likely had a significant role to play in the countries economic downward spiral in the first place. But we, the constituents, looked past that. We understood that the reason you couldn't come to the movies to make out was that your daddy wouldn't let you out the house. The reason you couldn't be the prom queen was because the principal wouldn't sign off on the tiara. The reason you couldn't pitch was because coach would let you out the dugout.
So, in Nov. 2008, we changed the coach, so you could throw your no-hitter game. We gave you a new principal so that you could shine in your majestic glory. We gave you a new Daddy, Democrats, a new daddy!
Metaphors aside for a moment. Really, for all the roadblocks you hit while Bush was in office, we overwhelmingly voted in a new leader to the White House to alleviate your pain and suffering. We, as a nation, sighed a sigh of relief to the notion that "now, ok, now things will get done". Dems own Congress, in need of no Republican support whatsoever from Senate or the House of Representatives. Dems own the White House, no opposition from the President, as he's more visionary than most and is really, and I mean really trying to get things done. So now, with all of these pieces in place for Democrats as a group to do literally whatever you wanted with any aspect of our federal government, the first and ONLY thing you all decide to do is.........
Squabble.
I promise. If 2012 rolls around and we haven't reformed healthcare, made progress in Afghanistan, stopped the national economic tailspin, AND closed Guantanamo Bay, I'm switchin parties! Not only am I switching, but I'm campaigning, hard. For whomever the hell is not Republican or Democratic Party. I'll listen to any other party out there Independent, Green, Black Panther, you name it!
Because really, what's your excuse? WHAT IS YOUR EXCUSE!? You have none! Your opposition is insignificant! It's like your playing football and the defense only has 3 people on the other side of the scrimmage - and you jackasses are arguing about which play you want to execute to score the touchdown! How do you not realize that it doesn't matter what the hell you do, we just want to score!!
And so now, you blame Republicans for playing politics. You blame insurance companies for ambushing town hall meetings and spreading false rumors. You blame the previous administration for leaving such a huge mess left to clean up. But really, where I am sure all of those excuses are real and factual - it's October. It is October. It is October. And besides pulling the trigger on a stimulus package that was already halfway written this time last year, you have nothing to show for yourselves.
This is the epitome of shameful. Stupid Democrats.
Monday, September 21, 2009
the stages of relationships
The following is a conversation I had in a Waffle House at 3am with Gigi. More informative than I was expecting it to be, it turned out to be rather accurate in it's portrayal. Hence, I bring it about here. The stages and definitions of a relationships and their titles (as I see it):
1) Attraction. This level is the basic notion of interest. Be it a friend, acquaintance, or associate, one begins to admire an individual and desires them. The extent of said desire is irrelevant in this stage, as the only significant fact is that desire is present, and mutual. In this stage, flirting takes place - laughter, shared interest, and some form of physical contact (light embrace, held hands, close dance, movie snug, etc.) Note: this is also the stage where jealously enters.
2) "Diggin". This stage establishes the fact that both parties are interested in the other. For, though attraction may be mutual, it may not be actually feasible to act on. So consider this stage the green light, where both parties not only get to know one another, but also get the indication that the subsequent stages are attainable. Go ahead, put your cards out on the table, have that good talk, move from the movie snug to the full on make-out session during Kill Bill Vol. 2 (which you thought was going to be so much better than it was). Note: if potential jealously wasn't there before, it definitely is there now.
3) Casual Dating. Pay attention, these next three stages are tricky. Casual dating means that you are spending time with a person that you like, doing things that you enjoy doing with that person, with the potential that intimate encounters may ensue. No expectations. No obligations. No responsibilities. No strings. Fellas, you don't have to call her and tell her goodnight. Not at this stage. Ladies, you don't have to call him to let him know you made it in safe. Nothing. Nada. It's all just for fun. It's like a sparring match. It's like teaching without tenure. At any point it could end and you can't cry foul about it. But know this, if you plan on moving up in stages, what you do in the casual stage does count. The points, though drawn in pencil, are there. And you can't advance to the next stage in dating, if you don't come correct in this one.
4) Basic Dating. So, when a good movie is coming out soon, you already know who you're gonna call. When your friend is about to get married, you already know who you want to ask as your date. This is Basic Dating. This is when you can say, "I am dating this person." They are your go-to. Though you may have a roster, or other people you're interested in, this is your "main squeeze". Expectations start come into play here, and how one handles those expectations dictates the course of the relationship from here on out. Actions here determine whether or not the relationship moves on to the next stage, or if it disintegrates entirely.
5) Exclusive Dating. For whatever reason, you don't call each other "boyfriend/girlfriend" and though everyone knows the deal, you still introduce them to people as your "friend". This is the only difference between Exclusive Dating and Exclusive Relationship. It's just not official. You can still play the "I'm not your man/woman" card. The expectations are there, but the obligations are not. The design is there, but the responsibility is not. And without obligations and responsibility comes the freedom from consideration. You're still in it for yourself at this stage, despite the fact that you are clearly with only one person and share your experiences with them more than most. Despite the fact that everyone else considers you to be a couple, though between the two of you it's more "undefined". This stage can be both beautiful and frustrating depending on the day and depending on where both parties are in their lives.
6) Exclusive Relationship. The bells and whistles are now attached, and you either love it or hate it. This stage deserves it's own handbook, and I'm sure more than enough exist. This is, for all intents and purposes, for adults, known as "courting". Let's be honest, we can't sit around wasting each others' time. We have careers and lives to think about now. We can't allow ourselves to just jump into relationships just for the hell of it and think it's nothing. That was stage 3. Don't even come up to stage 6 without rain boots on. Really, this is consistency, consideration, communication, and collaboration. Daily. Daily. And it's all worth it if it's real. If it's true. If it isn't, it shouldn't go into the next stage at all, nor will it last in this one. This is really where two become coalesced, not that they become one, but that they just become intertwined. This is the stage where it's "official". The whole "boyfriend/girlfriend" thing. The meet the parents and the friends and all. This is the person you are truly interested in, and want to make work out to something lasting, or nothing at all.
7) Marriage. And Engagement, for those that are going to nitpick. This is for all the marbles. You should expect this person to greet you in heaven. It's not an easy stage at all. It's the previous stage times, well, a lot. But it is simple. Just love each other through literally everything. Simple, but not easy. Though, if you made it through all of the previous six stages, and still made it here, hopefully you've built up foundation enough to really make it to the home stretch. For those more spiritual, marriage is really defined as the union between two individuals and God. Though not an easy venture, it has potential to be one of the most beautiful things to behold.
Case and point, just to demonstrate the stages.
Case: Eric is buying a house. How would this be handled, based on the stage of relationship?
Stage 1 - Attraction - Eric is going to ensure that Faith is invited to the house warming party.
Stage 2 - Diggin - Eric is sure to invite Faith to the house warming party personally. Will ensure personal time with her.
Stage 3 - Casual Dating - Faith comes with friends so as to not appear alone or overeager, to which they (or at least she) is one of the last to leave, if she does. Eric accommodates and spends quality time during, and especially near the end of the house warming.
Stage 4 - Dating - Eric lets Faith know that he is buying a house weeks before hand just in conversation. As such, he takes her by just to see it before the house warming is thrown. She thinks it's special that he takes her by before some of his other friends.
Stage 5 - Exclusive Dating - Eric asks Faith to help him throw the house warming party, to which she accepts and assists. She invites friends and makes the run for food/drink when things run low so as to free Eric up to be a good host. She stays after to help him clean and relax.
Stage 6 - Exclusive Relationship - Faith is included on the house warming idea from day one, and her opinion of the house before Eric signs for it is significant to him. She may even help decorate a bit, depending on how deep the relationship is. She helps clean up afterwards, and enlists others to help as well. Maybe even some breakfast in the morning.
Stage 7 - Marriage/Engagement - The house gets signed for when both parties are more than satisfied. The house warming party is of equal initiative and is of equal responsibility. Eric and Faith take a moment to thank everyone for coming out near the end of the party, and end the night with one last song from The Dave Matthews Band.
And there you have it. Questions? Comments? Concerns?
1) Attraction. This level is the basic notion of interest. Be it a friend, acquaintance, or associate, one begins to admire an individual and desires them. The extent of said desire is irrelevant in this stage, as the only significant fact is that desire is present, and mutual. In this stage, flirting takes place - laughter, shared interest, and some form of physical contact (light embrace, held hands, close dance, movie snug, etc.) Note: this is also the stage where jealously enters.
2) "Diggin". This stage establishes the fact that both parties are interested in the other. For, though attraction may be mutual, it may not be actually feasible to act on. So consider this stage the green light, where both parties not only get to know one another, but also get the indication that the subsequent stages are attainable. Go ahead, put your cards out on the table, have that good talk, move from the movie snug to the full on make-out session during Kill Bill Vol. 2 (which you thought was going to be so much better than it was). Note: if potential jealously wasn't there before, it definitely is there now.
3) Casual Dating. Pay attention, these next three stages are tricky. Casual dating means that you are spending time with a person that you like, doing things that you enjoy doing with that person, with the potential that intimate encounters may ensue. No expectations. No obligations. No responsibilities. No strings. Fellas, you don't have to call her and tell her goodnight. Not at this stage. Ladies, you don't have to call him to let him know you made it in safe. Nothing. Nada. It's all just for fun. It's like a sparring match. It's like teaching without tenure. At any point it could end and you can't cry foul about it. But know this, if you plan on moving up in stages, what you do in the casual stage does count. The points, though drawn in pencil, are there. And you can't advance to the next stage in dating, if you don't come correct in this one.
4) Basic Dating. So, when a good movie is coming out soon, you already know who you're gonna call. When your friend is about to get married, you already know who you want to ask as your date. This is Basic Dating. This is when you can say, "I am dating this person." They are your go-to. Though you may have a roster, or other people you're interested in, this is your "main squeeze". Expectations start come into play here, and how one handles those expectations dictates the course of the relationship from here on out. Actions here determine whether or not the relationship moves on to the next stage, or if it disintegrates entirely.
5) Exclusive Dating. For whatever reason, you don't call each other "boyfriend/girlfriend" and though everyone knows the deal, you still introduce them to people as your "friend". This is the only difference between Exclusive Dating and Exclusive Relationship. It's just not official. You can still play the "I'm not your man/woman" card. The expectations are there, but the obligations are not. The design is there, but the responsibility is not. And without obligations and responsibility comes the freedom from consideration. You're still in it for yourself at this stage, despite the fact that you are clearly with only one person and share your experiences with them more than most. Despite the fact that everyone else considers you to be a couple, though between the two of you it's more "undefined". This stage can be both beautiful and frustrating depending on the day and depending on where both parties are in their lives.
6) Exclusive Relationship. The bells and whistles are now attached, and you either love it or hate it. This stage deserves it's own handbook, and I'm sure more than enough exist. This is, for all intents and purposes, for adults, known as "courting". Let's be honest, we can't sit around wasting each others' time. We have careers and lives to think about now. We can't allow ourselves to just jump into relationships just for the hell of it and think it's nothing. That was stage 3. Don't even come up to stage 6 without rain boots on. Really, this is consistency, consideration, communication, and collaboration. Daily. Daily. And it's all worth it if it's real. If it's true. If it isn't, it shouldn't go into the next stage at all, nor will it last in this one. This is really where two become coalesced, not that they become one, but that they just become intertwined. This is the stage where it's "official". The whole "boyfriend/girlfriend" thing. The meet the parents and the friends and all. This is the person you are truly interested in, and want to make work out to something lasting, or nothing at all.
7) Marriage. And Engagement, for those that are going to nitpick. This is for all the marbles. You should expect this person to greet you in heaven. It's not an easy stage at all. It's the previous stage times, well, a lot. But it is simple. Just love each other through literally everything. Simple, but not easy. Though, if you made it through all of the previous six stages, and still made it here, hopefully you've built up foundation enough to really make it to the home stretch. For those more spiritual, marriage is really defined as the union between two individuals and God. Though not an easy venture, it has potential to be one of the most beautiful things to behold.
Case and point, just to demonstrate the stages.
Case: Eric is buying a house. How would this be handled, based on the stage of relationship?
Stage 1 - Attraction - Eric is going to ensure that Faith is invited to the house warming party.
Stage 2 - Diggin - Eric is sure to invite Faith to the house warming party personally. Will ensure personal time with her.
Stage 3 - Casual Dating - Faith comes with friends so as to not appear alone or overeager, to which they (or at least she) is one of the last to leave, if she does. Eric accommodates and spends quality time during, and especially near the end of the house warming.
Stage 4 - Dating - Eric lets Faith know that he is buying a house weeks before hand just in conversation. As such, he takes her by just to see it before the house warming is thrown. She thinks it's special that he takes her by before some of his other friends.
Stage 5 - Exclusive Dating - Eric asks Faith to help him throw the house warming party, to which she accepts and assists. She invites friends and makes the run for food/drink when things run low so as to free Eric up to be a good host. She stays after to help him clean and relax.
Stage 6 - Exclusive Relationship - Faith is included on the house warming idea from day one, and her opinion of the house before Eric signs for it is significant to him. She may even help decorate a bit, depending on how deep the relationship is. She helps clean up afterwards, and enlists others to help as well. Maybe even some breakfast in the morning.
Stage 7 - Marriage/Engagement - The house gets signed for when both parties are more than satisfied. The house warming party is of equal initiative and is of equal responsibility. Eric and Faith take a moment to thank everyone for coming out near the end of the party, and end the night with one last song from The Dave Matthews Band.
And there you have it. Questions? Comments? Concerns?
Saturday, June 20, 2009
Parmesan makes me happy?
I went grocery shopping on Wednesday. It was pleasant. My sister went for watermelon. I went for Parmesan cheese. The ladyfriend went to check if blueberry pancakes had gone on sale at any point over the last week. Or to keep us company. I digress. I found myself in the magazine aisle as I so often do, and came across a quote by Ryan Reynolds, an actor I have come to admire over the years for no particular reason whatsoever. The quote was wedged amongst many other headlines on the cramped cover of Men's Health Magazine. It was hardly recognizable actually, and wouldn't have been noted at all if not for the red font that differed from all of the other words on the page. It read, simply, "Happiness is a choice".
Now, I myself cannot vouch for whether or not Ryan Reynolds is indeed happy. Nor can I attest to any credentials or qualifying experiences he has had to make such claims on the matter. I can only go off of the school-boy smile and bold-print quote that was so aimlessly placed upon a random magazine I happen to see at the grocery store. Yet, by time I actually made it to my cheese, the quote had found a way to the mainstreams of my mind, flowing effortlessly into the analytical abyss which resides the corners of my mental stratosphere. Was such a metaphor even called for? No, but it feels good just to take it there for no apparent reason other than to complicate the paragraph.
As I thought on it though, I agree with Reynolds whole-heartedly. Happiness is a choice. Yet, in my opinion, where happiness is an relatively easy choice to identify, it is not necessarily so easy to execute. The choices that make us happy are often times not the choices that are so feasible to make. The hurdles between these choices and our current situations often seem daunting, and difficult. They seem like too much of a risk, and too far from the places where we have grown content. Many of us are simply satisfied with "pseudo-happiness", or "happy enough"; the notion of possibly losing that which we are satisfied with for the chance of attaining true happiness is intimidating, and for some, terrifying.
And so where do we go? When that which we know will make us truly happy is not within arms reach. When the choice to make the steps that will ultimately fulfill us seems too far to capture, too high to attain, or too difficult to grasp. I don't know Ryan Reynolds answer to this, but I'm sure it's a good one. He seems like an awesome guy. As for me though, I offer the following:
1. God. My first answer to everything is often, in my opinion, the best answer for everything. Yet, just because the answer is simply put, doesn't mean that the answer is simple here. I do not mean "God" in the sense of going to church and expecting an answer to hit you from the sky. I mean, talk with some people that you believe truly have a solid relationship with God. Discuss with some people close to you about their experiences with their faith. And BY ALL MEANS, please, if you find someone, make sure it's someone that cares about you. If you don't, you may very well end up with someone who just wants to quote scriptures and get you in the choir so as to help out their alto section. I've seen it happen. Take your time, and pray about it best you know how.
2. Friends. Make them, and appreciate them. Whether one is considered friend because they are in your family, or family because they are your friend, perspective is irrelevant here. A good friend is worth more than any tangible item you can place your hands on. Treat them as such, and they'll listen, and will cross mountains to help you attain that which you feel is unattainable.
3. Research. Don't be a dumbass. Look into the steps necessary to make the choice of happiness. Make a list, make a plan. Identify what is holding you back. Analyze what you need to advance. And most important, really contemplate what happiness is, and what it means for you. Happiness is not getting some other woman's man, or sleeping with a particular lady you've been interested in. At least, I haven't seen it described as such. Cmon. I'm saying plan, not plot. Happiness is definitely not attaining boatloads of money and fame, ask any rich and famous person, it's not secret. If you're having problems with understanding happiness, refer back to #1, please. I beg you. Please do not equate tangible goods and accomplishments with happiness. These things are short-lived and temporary; whereas true happiness is eternal.
I could be wrong though. Ryan Reynolds could be just as wrong. These are just our opinions. We come to these conclusions based on our own experiences and lessons, coupled with the experiences and lessons learned by others. Reynolds and I, that is.
Good luck on the search, and for those that have already made the choice to be happy, I say congratulations. Pass on the love.
Have a nice day.
Now, I myself cannot vouch for whether or not Ryan Reynolds is indeed happy. Nor can I attest to any credentials or qualifying experiences he has had to make such claims on the matter. I can only go off of the school-boy smile and bold-print quote that was so aimlessly placed upon a random magazine I happen to see at the grocery store. Yet, by time I actually made it to my cheese, the quote had found a way to the mainstreams of my mind, flowing effortlessly into the analytical abyss which resides the corners of my mental stratosphere. Was such a metaphor even called for? No, but it feels good just to take it there for no apparent reason other than to complicate the paragraph.
As I thought on it though, I agree with Reynolds whole-heartedly. Happiness is a choice. Yet, in my opinion, where happiness is an relatively easy choice to identify, it is not necessarily so easy to execute. The choices that make us happy are often times not the choices that are so feasible to make. The hurdles between these choices and our current situations often seem daunting, and difficult. They seem like too much of a risk, and too far from the places where we have grown content. Many of us are simply satisfied with "pseudo-happiness", or "happy enough"; the notion of possibly losing that which we are satisfied with for the chance of attaining true happiness is intimidating, and for some, terrifying.
And so where do we go? When that which we know will make us truly happy is not within arms reach. When the choice to make the steps that will ultimately fulfill us seems too far to capture, too high to attain, or too difficult to grasp. I don't know Ryan Reynolds answer to this, but I'm sure it's a good one. He seems like an awesome guy. As for me though, I offer the following:
1. God. My first answer to everything is often, in my opinion, the best answer for everything. Yet, just because the answer is simply put, doesn't mean that the answer is simple here. I do not mean "God" in the sense of going to church and expecting an answer to hit you from the sky. I mean, talk with some people that you believe truly have a solid relationship with God. Discuss with some people close to you about their experiences with their faith. And BY ALL MEANS, please, if you find someone, make sure it's someone that cares about you. If you don't, you may very well end up with someone who just wants to quote scriptures and get you in the choir so as to help out their alto section. I've seen it happen. Take your time, and pray about it best you know how.
2. Friends. Make them, and appreciate them. Whether one is considered friend because they are in your family, or family because they are your friend, perspective is irrelevant here. A good friend is worth more than any tangible item you can place your hands on. Treat them as such, and they'll listen, and will cross mountains to help you attain that which you feel is unattainable.
3. Research. Don't be a dumbass. Look into the steps necessary to make the choice of happiness. Make a list, make a plan. Identify what is holding you back. Analyze what you need to advance. And most important, really contemplate what happiness is, and what it means for you. Happiness is not getting some other woman's man, or sleeping with a particular lady you've been interested in. At least, I haven't seen it described as such. Cmon. I'm saying plan, not plot. Happiness is definitely not attaining boatloads of money and fame, ask any rich and famous person, it's not secret. If you're having problems with understanding happiness, refer back to #1, please. I beg you. Please do not equate tangible goods and accomplishments with happiness. These things are short-lived and temporary; whereas true happiness is eternal.
I could be wrong though. Ryan Reynolds could be just as wrong. These are just our opinions. We come to these conclusions based on our own experiences and lessons, coupled with the experiences and lessons learned by others. Reynolds and I, that is.
Good luck on the search, and for those that have already made the choice to be happy, I say congratulations. Pass on the love.
Have a nice day.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
kismet 30331
and now i'm here. back in atlanta. 4 years ago, i was barely 21, living in the basement of my parents house, graduating from college. since then, it seems like an entire lifetime has happened. i cannot begin to describe the sensation that i am feeling right now. i suppose, right now at least, it's indescribable. and believe me, i'm trying. i've been sitting at this keyboard for the last 20 minutes trying to think of a good metaphor, analogy, simile, or just plain explanation to just begin to describe what this feels like. where is my mind? where is my heart? what is my plan? for years, i have thought of my life as practice rounds for this very moment, as if my life wouldn't officially start until right now. high school, college, new york, puerto rico, all of it. all of it - practice. and now, it's as if someone suddenly stepped onto the court with a scorecard in hand; like someone appeared on the battlefield and replaced the paintballs with live ammunition. i don't know why i have put such emphasis on this moment in my life. i have no idea why i myself made this the benchmark for life to start keeping score. but it's ingrained. there is nothing i can do about it now but accept it. this is no longer a sparring match - if it ever was. and where my life up to this point as been but a leaf caught in a whirlwind of activity and circumstance, i feel that i have now landed - grounded in the reality that is to be the foundation for my very purpose. and really, that's what i was expecting to happen all along. it's exactly what i thought would happen. it's just what i wanted - to build on my experiences in preparation for what was to be my providence in life. this moment was always supposed to happen.
it just hadn't dawned on me that said moment started tomorrow.
it just hadn't dawned on me that said moment started tomorrow.
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
puerto rico #7 - Time Wallower
i was bored one day a while back. so i decided to cut my own hair. as you see here, it came out odd, but not half bad. it got me through the week without looking like a pom-pom, ate up a good bit of time, and saved me a few dollars. besides the bald spot i covered up with a Sharpie marker, i think it was a win-win situation. my boredom here in this place has been of direct consequence of various factors. 1) my hesitancy to invest in long-lasting friendships because i'll be gone in 4 weeks; 2) my hesitancy to invest in long-lasting friendships because i can't understand what most people around me are saying; 3) my hesitancy to do anything that costs money; 4) my embarrassing disease where i get incredibly aroused whenever i see the color orange; and 5) the weather, it's been summer for the last 8 months.
hence, i cut my hair. i follow people on twitter. i check facebook every 18 seconds. i watch the same movies on TNT, TBS, FX, Spike, and USA over and over. i read books that i discarded months ago. i think about jogging. i read random blogs of little interest to me. i watch the behaviors of ants, for a really long time. these things make me sad to admit i do. why do i know all of the characters names on "I Love Money"?! Why do I give a damn about RayJ, an artist I don't even respect, but have now given countable hours of my time to?! I am not proud of any of this. I am not happy about any of these changes. But, i recognize that they are of a necessary balance in order for me to maintain my sanity and my budget.
and isn't that what it's all about, balance? for every thing i am ashamed of, there are two things that bring me pride. spending my time in prayer, and even meditation at times. randomly exercising when the mood hits me. putting in free overtime at work solely for the benefit of my students. going on cyberdates with my lady friend by watching the same movies over the phone (very nice). exploring the island's forests, beaches, cities, and landscapes. coloring. writing songs, and stories. my occasional blogs. i dig all of that.
so, with that said, i need to leave starbucks and find a place where i might be able to find motivation to create the final exams i've been putting off since last monday. here's hoping that the next month is filled with more of the 4th paragraph here than the 3rd.
have a great day.
Monday, April 20, 2009
Clean Socks
I was a better man today.
Maybe not for the entire day, but maybe just for a moment. I was the man that I wanted to be. It was a moment where I was able to look at myself from afar, perceiving myself as someone other than myself. It wasn't much really though, but it was enough for me to be proud for a second, if not the full 5 minutes. I was washing my clothes in a laundromat, and reading a book on the side of the washer machine in a garden chair. That was all. That was what gave me some validation.
It's all relative I suppose. On my day off, I could have been in bed until noon, only waking up to eat breakfast and watch tv, only then to lay down for a nap until 4 (at which point I would only wake up later for dinner). I have sadly had more of those days than I care to count. But yet, the simple nature of this gesture, of this moment, gave me a sense of pride, as I was able to extend myself beyond what I could have done, to actions that were not necessary nor essential to the day.
Is it wrong to take pride in this? Is it immoral to take pride in initiative? Does it take away whatever aspect of being a "better man" that I just proclaimed myself to have become, if only for a moment.
Regardless, it has transpired to a domino effect of productivity and progress toward aspects of my life that I often overlook. Washing the dishes, writing my lesson plans for the week, grading papers at home, calling random people to keep in touch, picking lentballs out of my hairbrush, flossing, naming stars, and a host of other arbitrary things that normally don't get done until I absolutely have to do them.
What's more, the more I read, the more I write. It's like taking my narrative voice to the gym, as I often say.
PS. I saw a man a few days ago chatting on the internet using sign language via video connection and thought it was awesome. Awesome that we had the technology to accommodate such necessities in this day and age.
that's all. write more later.
have a nice day.
Maybe not for the entire day, but maybe just for a moment. I was the man that I wanted to be. It was a moment where I was able to look at myself from afar, perceiving myself as someone other than myself. It wasn't much really though, but it was enough for me to be proud for a second, if not the full 5 minutes. I was washing my clothes in a laundromat, and reading a book on the side of the washer machine in a garden chair. That was all. That was what gave me some validation.
It's all relative I suppose. On my day off, I could have been in bed until noon, only waking up to eat breakfast and watch tv, only then to lay down for a nap until 4 (at which point I would only wake up later for dinner). I have sadly had more of those days than I care to count. But yet, the simple nature of this gesture, of this moment, gave me a sense of pride, as I was able to extend myself beyond what I could have done, to actions that were not necessary nor essential to the day.
Is it wrong to take pride in this? Is it immoral to take pride in initiative? Does it take away whatever aspect of being a "better man" that I just proclaimed myself to have become, if only for a moment.
Regardless, it has transpired to a domino effect of productivity and progress toward aspects of my life that I often overlook. Washing the dishes, writing my lesson plans for the week, grading papers at home, calling random people to keep in touch, picking lentballs out of my hairbrush, flossing, naming stars, and a host of other arbitrary things that normally don't get done until I absolutely have to do them.
What's more, the more I read, the more I write. It's like taking my narrative voice to the gym, as I often say.
PS. I saw a man a few days ago chatting on the internet using sign language via video connection and thought it was awesome. Awesome that we had the technology to accommodate such necessities in this day and age.
that's all. write more later.
have a nice day.
Friday, April 17, 2009
puerto rico #6
during spring break, my budget couldn't really handle a trip anywhere. then i realized that i lived in puerto rico. the following pictures are things that i came across that came out better than i expected.
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
dig conversations
"what are you up to tonight?" she said.
"you want the sunday school answer, or the real answer?" i replied.
"hm...a blend of the both, be creative," she said
"i can't on wednesday's. it's hump day. i spend all week just trying to get to this point. the rest of the week i can coast through. i can be creative tomorrow. thursday's are usually good for creativity," i said.
"didn't we have a conversation about that once? about how thursday's are your favorite day?" she said.
"sure did. everyone looks forward to friday, thursday is the prelude. the introduction to the end. it's the ultimate chill day. that moment just in between a deep inhale and a long exhale. when you know you can breath again," i said.
"indeed. it's also the 4th weekday. i like the number 4, it's nice and even. like the number 2. the number 2 and the number 4 are my favorite numbers. they represent a wholeness and balance that can't be found with most other numbers," she said.
"...my favorite number is 3. so put that in your blowhole," i said.
she said, "that's what she said".
"ha, i actually just saw an office episode the other day. a woman was parking her SUV and was scraping the sides of the cars next to her. she looked out the window and exclaimed "it's too tight - i have to find another spot to put it in!" i said.
"haha, hilarious, i have yet to check out the office. do you have any episodes?" she asked.
i replied, "i have to check, i might. it came on after family guy on TBS last night."
[insert 30 minute conversation on family guy]
"...but what i can't understand why American Dad would have the same format and setup as Family Guy but exclude the random flashbacks and tangents. they're taking out the very element of Family Guy, while simultaneously trying to make it just like Family Guy, it doesn't make sense," she said.
i said, "i think they're still trying to figure out their audience. it seems like a satire about post-9/11 fear-invoked patriotism in America, but still within the framework of Family Guy randomness. maybe they're playing it safe until they find their base. or maybe the show is just stupid...wait...didn't you ask me something earlier?" i said.
"..."
"..."
"...we talked about numbers..."
"...favorite days of the week?..."
"ooh...i asked you what you were doing tonight!" she exclaimed.
"oh yeah!" i said, "hm, sunday school answer - grading papers. real answer - nothing."
"...wow, we really have to work on our conversation skills," she says.
"nah," i say, "i dig our conversations."
"good," she says, "me too."
"you want the sunday school answer, or the real answer?" i replied.
"hm...a blend of the both, be creative," she said
"i can't on wednesday's. it's hump day. i spend all week just trying to get to this point. the rest of the week i can coast through. i can be creative tomorrow. thursday's are usually good for creativity," i said.
"didn't we have a conversation about that once? about how thursday's are your favorite day?" she said.
"sure did. everyone looks forward to friday, thursday is the prelude. the introduction to the end. it's the ultimate chill day. that moment just in between a deep inhale and a long exhale. when you know you can breath again," i said.
"indeed. it's also the 4th weekday. i like the number 4, it's nice and even. like the number 2. the number 2 and the number 4 are my favorite numbers. they represent a wholeness and balance that can't be found with most other numbers," she said.
"...my favorite number is 3. so put that in your blowhole," i said.
she said, "that's what she said".
"ha, i actually just saw an office episode the other day. a woman was parking her SUV and was scraping the sides of the cars next to her. she looked out the window and exclaimed "it's too tight - i have to find another spot to put it in!" i said.
"haha, hilarious, i have yet to check out the office. do you have any episodes?" she asked.
i replied, "i have to check, i might. it came on after family guy on TBS last night."
[insert 30 minute conversation on family guy]
"...but what i can't understand why American Dad would have the same format and setup as Family Guy but exclude the random flashbacks and tangents. they're taking out the very element of Family Guy, while simultaneously trying to make it just like Family Guy, it doesn't make sense," she said.
i said, "i think they're still trying to figure out their audience. it seems like a satire about post-9/11 fear-invoked patriotism in America, but still within the framework of Family Guy randomness. maybe they're playing it safe until they find their base. or maybe the show is just stupid...wait...didn't you ask me something earlier?" i said.
"..."
"..."
"...we talked about numbers..."
"...favorite days of the week?..."
"ooh...i asked you what you were doing tonight!" she exclaimed.
"oh yeah!" i said, "hm, sunday school answer - grading papers. real answer - nothing."
"...wow, we really have to work on our conversation skills," she says.
"nah," i say, "i dig our conversations."
"good," she says, "me too."
Saturday, February 28, 2009
let's sell this...
i'm not sure how i feel about this. but i guess it fits in there with the daughter's beanie baby dolls, the presidential interviews during the superbowl, and being on the cover of enteraintment weekly. it's as random as it is cool. it's as shameful as it is affective. this family has become universally marketable. you put their face on it and it sells. you mention them within the fabric of anything and it grabs your attention, good or bad. Michelle's toned arms secrets, Barack's sunglasses, Malia's hair products, Sasha's missing teeth. there's something for everyone in the Obama store. on sale until 2012, or until the next big thing (my vote is American Idol's top three in the coming months, or the rising trend in edible boxershorts).
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