i thought it was self-proclaimed. i thought she had donned the crown upon herself because she was bored. and i didn't even mind it. i thought it was cute. like the little girl that makes herself princess of her bedroom, makes a wand, and proceeds to knight all the stuff animals on her bed.
but no, Queen Pammy is the truth.
i just read/listened to her the routine, and i have to say that i was more than impressed. and where this may not be the first time that she has used her tape recorder on here, or has integrated it with accompanied messages and visuals, or has spoken so well about topics so true - it's the first time i've heard it from the queen in this venue. and that's not to say that other's haven't done it on here either, it's just that i don't know them, and they probably suck anyway.
what's more, is that her blog entry comes the day after i remove a lot of myself from facebook (for the third time). i've come to realize that it is now a social medium for our generation and i can probably never fully remove myself, for it has placed me back in touch with people i believed i'd never see or meet again. in some cases, this has even led to job, relationship, and travel opportunities that would have been much more difficult without the online catalyst and social network conglomeration that facebook and myspace has become. but yet in still, networking is one thing, sacrificing your private life for the benefit of other's entertainment and time-consuming folly is beyond extreme. these entities should be glorified phonebooks, nothing more. or at least that's what they have become for me. for, as to paraphrase Queen Pammy, one may find themselves spending way too much of their time invested in other people's business.
it's too much. we know too many people. too many pictures, too many status updates, to many wall quotes, too many tags, too many applications, too many events, too many birthdays. too many sockets, and i'm but one plug.
yo, she's changed the game with the audio/visual. my respect for you miss, has gone very far up, not to say that it was low before, but it has gone very far up. if you ever need help on a colabo at anytime, i'd love to work with you. in the meantime, keep doing what you do!
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
how spoiled happens
today i got tired of waiting on the bus. so i rented a car. it actually only cost 20 bucks. but then i had to pay the 20 insurance fee. then i had to put down $250 as a deposit. it sucked to have to pay almost $300 to rent a car for the day, even knowing that i'd get $250 of it back by tomorrow night. nevertheless, it was cool to drive around the island for a while. getting things done knowing i can come and go as i please.
in new york, the opposite is true. having a car there is much more of a hassle. driving sucks. parking sucks. traffic sucks. it all sucks in new york. the freedom of going where you needed to go, when you needed to go is all fixed with great subways and decent, plentiful taxis (be it yellow, or ghost).
in puerto rico, this is not the case at all. almost everyone i met told me i should get a car. i shrugged it off, thinking, "hell, i just did NY, i can do the buses just fine. moreover, i was living in BK, so i can even do the crappy buses just fine." no, these buses are really bad. really, really bad. in the time it takes to get somewhere on the bus, in all honesty, you could probably make it just by walking. definitely riding a bike. but with the weather here, you'd drown in your own sweat. so, by default and love of your own life, you are subject to have to wait for buses. they may come in 5 minutes (as posted), or they may come in 80 minutes (as expected). and when they do come, it's not a guarantee that you're gonna get on. if you're not paying attention and don't wave them down (which is protocal), they'll pass you. if there are already too many people on the bus, they'll pass you. if you're not standing exactly at the bus stop and aren't a sexy woman, they'll pass you.
i saw people waiting at the bus stop for an hour and a half. one person took a nap, and woke up, and was surprised to see the same people standing next to them. but only marginally surprised. it was the type of surprise you might have if you came home and saw you left the light on by mistake, or found your pen in the pants you had on the night before. that type of surprise.
to the island's credit - due to the gas crisis, the bus is free until december. so, it's kinda like a "get what you pay for kinda thing".
in either case, tomorrow i must return the rent-a-car. and by then, i will be utterly and totally spoiled. as if my subconscious needed another reason to want to go home, now we will have the bittersweet taste of reliable transportation left on our breath that no half-ass commute system will be able to neutralize. no matter how free it is, it still costs too damn much.
in new york, the opposite is true. having a car there is much more of a hassle. driving sucks. parking sucks. traffic sucks. it all sucks in new york. the freedom of going where you needed to go, when you needed to go is all fixed with great subways and decent, plentiful taxis (be it yellow, or ghost).
in puerto rico, this is not the case at all. almost everyone i met told me i should get a car. i shrugged it off, thinking, "hell, i just did NY, i can do the buses just fine. moreover, i was living in BK, so i can even do the crappy buses just fine." no, these buses are really bad. really, really bad. in the time it takes to get somewhere on the bus, in all honesty, you could probably make it just by walking. definitely riding a bike. but with the weather here, you'd drown in your own sweat. so, by default and love of your own life, you are subject to have to wait for buses. they may come in 5 minutes (as posted), or they may come in 80 minutes (as expected). and when they do come, it's not a guarantee that you're gonna get on. if you're not paying attention and don't wave them down (which is protocal), they'll pass you. if there are already too many people on the bus, they'll pass you. if you're not standing exactly at the bus stop and aren't a sexy woman, they'll pass you.
i saw people waiting at the bus stop for an hour and a half. one person took a nap, and woke up, and was surprised to see the same people standing next to them. but only marginally surprised. it was the type of surprise you might have if you came home and saw you left the light on by mistake, or found your pen in the pants you had on the night before. that type of surprise.
to the island's credit - due to the gas crisis, the bus is free until december. so, it's kinda like a "get what you pay for kinda thing".
in either case, tomorrow i must return the rent-a-car. and by then, i will be utterly and totally spoiled. as if my subconscious needed another reason to want to go home, now we will have the bittersweet taste of reliable transportation left on our breath that no half-ass commute system will be able to neutralize. no matter how free it is, it still costs too damn much.
Monday, September 29, 2008
she just doesn't even know
have you ever met a person that made you think to yourself, "damn, i would love them so good." like, "if they ever just gave me the chance, if they were to just hold my hand for a moment, i'd show them. they'll see."
that's all i have to say about that.
that's all i have to say about that.
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
sex and power - the lack thereof
this place exudes sex. like a wet sponge sitting at the edge of the sink, slowly yet consistently dripping excess water from it's corner. the smell of that moistness, the aroma of soapy discard lingering in it's pores. this place is soaked. drenched in eroticism, every corner and every beat is caught unto the rhythm of a pubescent deity, eager to demonstrate it's artistic design in the exotic flavor of human intrigue. and so it is obliged. and so it is catered. it is commercialized and sold for the experience that it is, and isn't.
my first week stay here in isle verde, puerto rico has been one of self discovery, fortitude, regret, solitude, hope, patience, and weakness. maybe i should put hope first in that list though. for i have learned the most about hope. of all, i have learned that hope is as fragile as it is powerful. i liken it to glass, often used to shelter us from nature itself, but yet easily breakable given the right amount of force. i suppose the same could be said about many of Earth's resources (i.e. wood, stone, copper, etc.) yet, i have come to liken hope to glass because of perception. you see, unlike the other resources mentioned, reflections can be seen in glass, and as such, the image shown all depends on the angle in which it is viewed. hope is no different. hope alone, the presence or absence of it, the perception and illusion of it, or the frame in which it is set and depended upon, can easily be the source of one's determined triumph, or of their accepted defeat. but in either case, rest assured, where hope lives, it will be tried. it will be tested.
for the last week, i have lived without electricity. some mixup where the landlord was to take it out of her name and put it in mine, but in the transfer, it got caught in the web of paperwork . who the hell knows. but i do know this, living without such a staple that we, as Americans, take as a given, will tell you something about yourself. a few things I've learned are that:
1) cold showers are not that bad.
2) though cold showers aren't that bad, you never get used to starting them. never.
3) candlelight is remarkably effective.
4) books and flashlights go together.
5) mosquitoes like their food nicely basted in sweat
and so it was. living with no electricity, surrounded by exotic women and atmosphere, knowing no one, and having little to do but walk around looking for jobs. that easily brings one home horny, frustrated, sweaty and lonely. useless, and with no purpose. finding entertainment from simply sitting and staring out the window.
and to be honest, this is exactly what i was looking for.
all in all, i found that i could live one week without it. 6 days and 14 hours in that state of mind. though, in honesty, i did start to lose it around day 3. it gives one a matter of perspective when you hear of people having to live like that on a dialy basis yknow. and i don't exclusively mean overseas, but also here at home. people that don't have the money to pay these electric bills, so nights have to be spent with a flashlight, a decent book, taco bell, and the hope that they will fall asleep soon to meet the welcoming light of day.
in a land filled with sex and power, i spent a week surrounded by both, but having neither. and though adaptation is an inevitable process, it's also a very difficult one.
my first week stay here in isle verde, puerto rico has been one of self discovery, fortitude, regret, solitude, hope, patience, and weakness. maybe i should put hope first in that list though. for i have learned the most about hope. of all, i have learned that hope is as fragile as it is powerful. i liken it to glass, often used to shelter us from nature itself, but yet easily breakable given the right amount of force. i suppose the same could be said about many of Earth's resources (i.e. wood, stone, copper, etc.) yet, i have come to liken hope to glass because of perception. you see, unlike the other resources mentioned, reflections can be seen in glass, and as such, the image shown all depends on the angle in which it is viewed. hope is no different. hope alone, the presence or absence of it, the perception and illusion of it, or the frame in which it is set and depended upon, can easily be the source of one's determined triumph, or of their accepted defeat. but in either case, rest assured, where hope lives, it will be tried. it will be tested.
for the last week, i have lived without electricity. some mixup where the landlord was to take it out of her name and put it in mine, but in the transfer, it got caught in the web of paperwork . who the hell knows. but i do know this, living without such a staple that we, as Americans, take as a given, will tell you something about yourself. a few things I've learned are that:
1) cold showers are not that bad.
2) though cold showers aren't that bad, you never get used to starting them. never.
3) candlelight is remarkably effective.
4) books and flashlights go together.
5) mosquitoes like their food nicely basted in sweat
and so it was. living with no electricity, surrounded by exotic women and atmosphere, knowing no one, and having little to do but walk around looking for jobs. that easily brings one home horny, frustrated, sweaty and lonely. useless, and with no purpose. finding entertainment from simply sitting and staring out the window.
and to be honest, this is exactly what i was looking for.
all in all, i found that i could live one week without it. 6 days and 14 hours in that state of mind. though, in honesty, i did start to lose it around day 3. it gives one a matter of perspective when you hear of people having to live like that on a dialy basis yknow. and i don't exclusively mean overseas, but also here at home. people that don't have the money to pay these electric bills, so nights have to be spent with a flashlight, a decent book, taco bell, and the hope that they will fall asleep soon to meet the welcoming light of day.
in a land filled with sex and power, i spent a week surrounded by both, but having neither. and though adaptation is an inevitable process, it's also a very difficult one.
Monday, September 15, 2008
creep slow, move on
things have a way of creeping up on you. anything. everything. the best laid plans and the most subtle of surprises. even when you expect it the most, it still creeps up from behind and takes you by storm. i'm saying "you", but in truth, it may not be the case for "you". maybe it's just me. the entire concept of bracing yourself seems to be a facade to me, some illusion to help me cope with the thought of never being fully prepared for the inevitable. the only thing i can ever truly do, is begin. after that, things go. until it stops.
think of it like a roller coaster. the only thing you can ever really do it get on. after that, you're a victim to the machine until the ride is done. even if you did manage to stop the coaster, mid-drop, you're still not where you started. you're still mid-drop. and as much as you might prepare for said drop, it never really takes away the exhilarating feeling of your stomach jumping to your throat.
but alas, that's me doing the "you" thing again. i know i'm talking about me here.
let's take sleep, or driving, or eating, or taking a dump, or reading a book, or drinking a glass of fucking water. it's all the same. none of these actions ever exist until they are started. and once they are started, everything after that is subject to the relative will and instantaneous moment in which they then exist. this is not to say that control isn't present, no, remember in the previous analogy where you/me stopped the roller coaster mid-drop. yeah, control is present. yet, to the extent in which control is present in a given situation or scenario is another conversation and topic altogether. no, my point here is that regardless of what happens, once your start something, no matter how prepared you are, the inevitable still has a way of getting the best of you.
sorry, i meant, best of me.
truth is, i'm over-exaggerating and over-analyzing the sensation that i'm getting right now in my recent move to Carolina, Puerto Rico. and though I have tried my best to be prepared for this move (and I like to believe I did a good job for my give intentions), the sensation has just now crept up on me, and I am feeling the weight of the situation. this was the plan though. this was the point. to close my eyes and jump out of the airplane, not cognizant of the free-fall until i was free-falling. and now i am, and i feel it indeed.
but it's not a bad thing. it's just a thing. it is what it is. and it ain't what it isn't.
so either way it goes, and whether this applies to the general public, just a few, or but that one; i do believe that bracing oneself is a gimmick that fools our minds into believing that we can handle that which we truly cannot. but in the end, we do stand it, we do endure. our souls are never unhindged and our spirits are never forgotten. we press on. in our own ways and in our own time, we press on. when we face the impossible and stand against all odds, we press on. using the tools we're given, the strength we've gained, the wisdom we've acquired and the faith that has been bestowed upon us, we press on into the exhilarating experiences that will inevitably define our being.
we. you and me. because we started it.
think of it like a roller coaster. the only thing you can ever really do it get on. after that, you're a victim to the machine until the ride is done. even if you did manage to stop the coaster, mid-drop, you're still not where you started. you're still mid-drop. and as much as you might prepare for said drop, it never really takes away the exhilarating feeling of your stomach jumping to your throat.
but alas, that's me doing the "you" thing again. i know i'm talking about me here.
let's take sleep, or driving, or eating, or taking a dump, or reading a book, or drinking a glass of fucking water. it's all the same. none of these actions ever exist until they are started. and once they are started, everything after that is subject to the relative will and instantaneous moment in which they then exist. this is not to say that control isn't present, no, remember in the previous analogy where you/me stopped the roller coaster mid-drop. yeah, control is present. yet, to the extent in which control is present in a given situation or scenario is another conversation and topic altogether. no, my point here is that regardless of what happens, once your start something, no matter how prepared you are, the inevitable still has a way of getting the best of you.
sorry, i meant, best of me.
truth is, i'm over-exaggerating and over-analyzing the sensation that i'm getting right now in my recent move to Carolina, Puerto Rico. and though I have tried my best to be prepared for this move (and I like to believe I did a good job for my give intentions), the sensation has just now crept up on me, and I am feeling the weight of the situation. this was the plan though. this was the point. to close my eyes and jump out of the airplane, not cognizant of the free-fall until i was free-falling. and now i am, and i feel it indeed.
but it's not a bad thing. it's just a thing. it is what it is. and it ain't what it isn't.
so either way it goes, and whether this applies to the general public, just a few, or but that one; i do believe that bracing oneself is a gimmick that fools our minds into believing that we can handle that which we truly cannot. but in the end, we do stand it, we do endure. our souls are never unhindged and our spirits are never forgotten. we press on. in our own ways and in our own time, we press on. when we face the impossible and stand against all odds, we press on. using the tools we're given, the strength we've gained, the wisdom we've acquired and the faith that has been bestowed upon us, we press on into the exhilarating experiences that will inevitably define our being.
we. you and me. because we started it.
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