Stupid Democrats

So let's get this straight. In 2006, we, the constituents of America, hand you Congress. Gift wrapped with a bow. We attached a nice note that said, "I've liked you since the 2nd grade." We even threw in a bag of candy hearts that said "be mine".


At which point, you put forth a few good ideas. You put forth some pretty monumental efforts. Yet, it was all only the vast majority of them to be shot down by President Bush, or result in a financial bailout for corporations that likely had a significant role to play in the countries economic downward spiral in the first place. But we, the constituents, looked past that. We understood that the reason you couldn't come to the movies to make out was that your daddy wouldn't let you out the house. The reason you couldn't be the prom queen was because the principal wouldn't sign off on the tiara. The reason you couldn't pitch was because coach would let you out the dugout.

So, in Nov. 2008, we changed the coach, so you could throw your no-hitter game. We gave you a new principal so that you could shine in your majestic glory. We gave you a new Daddy, Democrats, a new daddy!

Metaphors aside for a moment. Really, for all the roadblocks you hit while Bush was in office, we overwhelmingly voted in a new leader to the White House to alleviate your pain and suffering. We, as a nation, sighed a sigh of relief to the notion that "now, ok, now things will get done". Dems own Congress, in need of no Republican support whatsoever from Senate or the House of Representatives. Dems own the White House, no opposition from the President, as he's more visionary than most and is really, and I mean really trying to get things done. So now, with all of these pieces in place for Democrats as a group to do literally whatever you wanted with any aspect of our federal government, the first and ONLY thing you all decide to do is.........

Squabble.

I promise. If 2012 rolls around and we haven't reformed healthcare, made progress in Afghanistan, stopped the national economic tailspin, AND closed Guantanamo Bay, I'm switchin parties! Not only am I switching, but I'm campaigning, hard. For whomever the hell is not Republican or Democratic Party. I'll listen to any other party out there Independent, Green, Black Panther, you name it!

Because really, what's your excuse? WHAT IS YOUR EXCUSE!? You have none! Your opposition is insignificant! It's like your playing football and the defense only has 3 people on the other side of the scrimmage - and you jackasses are arguing about which play you want to execute to score the touchdown! How do you not realize that it doesn't matter what the hell you do, we just want to score!!

And so now, you blame Republicans for playing politics. You blame insurance companies for ambushing town hall meetings and spreading false rumors. You blame the previous administration for leaving such a huge mess left to clean up. But really, where I am sure all of those excuses are real and factual - it's October. It is October. It is October. And besides pulling the trigger on a stimulus package that was already halfway written this time last year, you have nothing to show for yourselves.

This is the epitome of shameful. Stupid Democrats.

the stages of relationships

The following is a conversation I had in a Waffle House at 3am with Gigi. More informative than I was expecting it to be, it turned out to be rather accurate in it's portrayal. Hence, I bring it about here. The stages and definitions of a relationships and their titles (as I see it):

1) Attraction. This level is the basic notion of interest. Be it a friend, acquaintance, or associate, one begins to admire an individual and desires them. The extent of said desire is irrelevant in this stage, as the only significant fact is that desire is present, and mutual. In this stage, flirting takes place - laughter, shared interest, and some form of physical contact (light embrace, held hands, close dance, movie snug, etc.) Note: this is also the stage where jealously enters.

2) "Diggin". This stage establishes the fact that both parties are interested in the other. For, though attraction may be mutual, it may not be actually feasible to act on. So consider this stage the green light, where both parties not only get to know one another, but also get the indication that the subsequent stages are attainable. Go ahead, put your cards out on the table, have that good talk, move from the movie snug to the full on make-out session during Kill Bill Vol. 2 (which you thought was going to be so much better than it was). Note: if potential jealously wasn't there before, it definitely is there now.

3) Casual Dating. Pay attention, these next three stages are tricky. Casual dating means that you are spending time with a person that you like, doing things that you enjoy doing with that person, with the potential that intimate encounters may ensue. No expectations. No obligations. No responsibilities. No strings. Fellas, you don't have to call her and tell her goodnight. Not at this stage. Ladies, you don't have to call him to let him know you made it in safe. Nothing. Nada. It's all just for fun. It's like a sparring match. It's like teaching without tenure. At any point it could end and you can't cry foul about it. But know this, if you plan on moving up in stages, what you do in the casual stage does count. The points, though drawn in pencil, are there. And you can't advance to the next stage in dating, if you don't come correct in this one.

4) Basic Dating. So, when a good movie is coming out soon, you already know who you're gonna call. When your friend is about to get married, you already know who you want to ask as your date. This is Basic Dating. This is when you can say, "I am dating this person." They are your go-to. Though you may have a roster, or other people you're interested in, this is your "main squeeze". Expectations start come into play here, and how one handles those expectations dictates the course of the relationship from here on out. Actions here determine whether or not the relationship moves on to the next stage, or if it disintegrates entirely.

5) Exclusive Dating. For whatever reason, you don't call each other "boyfriend/girlfriend" and though everyone knows the deal, you still introduce them to people as your "friend". This is the only difference between Exclusive Dating and Exclusive Relationship. It's just not official. You can still play the "I'm not your man/woman" card. The expectations are there, but the obligations are not. The design is there, but the responsibility is not. And without obligations and responsibility comes the freedom from consideration. You're still in it for yourself at this stage, despite the fact that you are clearly with only one person and share your experiences with them more than most. Despite the fact that everyone else considers you to be a couple, though between the two of you it's more "undefined". This stage can be both beautiful and frustrating depending on the day and depending on where both parties are in their lives.

6) Exclusive Relationship. The bells and whistles are now attached, and you either love it or hate it. This stage deserves it's own handbook, and I'm sure more than enough exist. This is, for all intents and purposes, for adults, known as "courting". Let's be honest, we can't sit around wasting each others' time. We have careers and lives to think about now. We can't allow ourselves to just jump into relationships just for the hell of it and think it's nothing. That was stage 3. Don't even come up to stage 6 without rain boots on. Really, this is consistency, consideration, communication, and collaboration. Daily. Daily. And it's all worth it if it's real. If it's true. If it isn't, it shouldn't go into the next stage at all, nor will it last in this one. This is really where two become coalesced, not that they become one, but that they just become intertwined. This is the stage where it's "official". The whole "boyfriend/girlfriend" thing. The meet the parents and the friends and all. This is the person you are truly interested in, and want to make work out to something lasting, or nothing at all.

7) Marriage. And Engagement, for those that are going to nitpick. This is for all the marbles. You should expect this person to greet you in heaven. It's not an easy stage at all. It's the previous stage times, well, a lot. But it is simple. Just love each other through literally everything. Simple, but not easy. Though, if you made it through all of the previous six stages, and still made it here, hopefully you've built up foundation enough to really make it to the home stretch. For those more spiritual, marriage is really defined as the union between two individuals and God. Though not an easy venture, it has potential to be one of the most beautiful things to behold.

Case and point, just to demonstrate the stages.
Case: Eric is buying a house. How would this be handled, based on the stage of relationship?

Stage 1 - Attraction - Eric is going to ensure that Faith is invited to the house warming party.

Stage 2 - Diggin - Eric is sure to invite Faith to the house warming party personally. Will ensure personal time with her.

Stage 3 - Casual Dating - Faith comes with friends so as to not appear alone or overeager, to which they (or at least she) is one of the last to leave, if she does. Eric accommodates and spends quality time during, and especially near the end of the house warming.

Stage 4 - Dating - Eric lets Faith know that he is buying a house weeks before hand just in conversation. As such, he takes her by just to see it before the house warming is thrown. She thinks it's special that he takes her by before some of his other friends.

Stage 5 - Exclusive Dating - Eric asks Faith to help him throw the house warming party, to which she accepts and assists. She invites friends and makes the run for food/drink when things run low so as to free Eric up to be a good host. She stays after to help him clean and relax.

Stage 6 - Exclusive Relationship - Faith is included on the house warming idea from day one, and her opinion of the house before Eric signs for it is significant to him. She may even help decorate a bit, depending on how deep the relationship is. She helps clean up afterwards, and enlists others to help as well. Maybe even some breakfast in the morning.

Stage 7 - Marriage/Engagement - The house gets signed for when both parties are more than satisfied. The house warming party is of equal initiative and is of equal responsibility. Eric and Faith take a moment to thank everyone for coming out near the end of the party, and end the night with one last song from The Dave Matthews Band.

And there you have it. Questions? Comments? Concerns?

Parmesan makes me happy?

I went grocery shopping on Wednesday. It was pleasant. My sister went for watermelon. I went for Parmesan cheese. The ladyfriend went to check if blueberry pancakes had gone on sale at any point over the last week. Or to keep us company. I digress. I found myself in the magazine aisle as I so often do, and came across a quote by Ryan Reynolds, an actor I have come to admire over the years for no particular reason whatsoever. The quote was wedged amongst many other headlines on the cramped cover of Men's Health Magazine. It was hardly recognizable actually, and wouldn't have been noted at all if not for the red font that differed from all of the other words on the page. It read, simply, "Happiness is a choice".

Now, I myself cannot vouch for whether or not Ryan Reynolds is indeed happy. Nor can I attest to any credentials or qualifying experiences he has had to make such claims on the matter. I can only go off of the school-boy smile and bold-print quote that was so aimlessly placed upon a random magazine I happen to see at the grocery store. Yet, by time I actually made it to my cheese, the quote had found a way to the mainstreams of my mind, flowing effortlessly into the analytical abyss which resides the corners of my mental stratosphere. Was such a metaphor even called for? No, but it feels good just to take it there for no apparent reason other than to complicate the paragraph.

As I thought on it though, I agree with Reynolds whole-heartedly. Happiness is a choice. Yet, in my opinion, where happiness is an relatively easy choice to identify, it is not necessarily so easy to execute. The choices that make us happy are often times not the choices that are so feasible to make. The hurdles between these choices and our current situations often seem daunting, and difficult. They seem like too much of a risk, and too far from the places where we have grown content. Many of us are simply satisfied with "pseudo-happiness", or "happy enough"; the notion of possibly losing that which we are satisfied with for the chance of attaining true happiness is intimidating, and for some, terrifying.

And so where do we go? When that which we know will make us truly happy is not within arms reach. When the choice to make the steps that will ultimately fulfill us seems too far to capture, too high to attain, or too difficult to grasp. I don't know Ryan Reynolds answer to this, but I'm sure it's a good one. He seems like an awesome guy. As for me though, I offer the following:

1. God. My first answer to everything is often, in my opinion, the best answer for everything. Yet, just because the answer is simply put, doesn't mean that the answer is simple here. I do not mean "God" in the sense of going to church and expecting an answer to hit you from the sky. I mean, talk with some people that you believe truly have a solid relationship with God. Discuss with some people close to you about their experiences with their faith. And BY ALL MEANS, please, if you find someone, make sure it's someone that cares about you. If you don't, you may very well end up with someone who just wants to quote scriptures and get you in the choir so as to help out their alto section. I've seen it happen. Take your time, and pray about it best you know how.

2. Friends. Make them, and appreciate them. Whether one is considered friend because they are in your family, or family because they are your friend, perspective is irrelevant here. A good friend is worth more than any tangible item you can place your hands on. Treat them as such, and they'll listen, and will cross mountains to help you attain that which you feel is unattainable.

3. Research. Don't be a dumbass. Look into the steps necessary to make the choice of happiness. Make a list, make a plan. Identify what is holding you back. Analyze what you need to advance. And most important, really contemplate what happiness is, and what it means for you. Happiness is not getting some other woman's man, or sleeping with a particular lady you've been interested in. At least, I haven't seen it described as such. Cmon. I'm saying plan, not plot. Happiness is definitely not attaining boatloads of money and fame, ask any rich and famous person, it's not secret. If you're having problems with understanding happiness, refer back to #1, please. I beg you. Please do not equate tangible goods and accomplishments with happiness. These things are short-lived and temporary; whereas true happiness is eternal.

I could be wrong though. Ryan Reynolds could be just as wrong. These are just our opinions. We come to these conclusions based on our own experiences and lessons, coupled with the experiences and lessons learned by others. Reynolds and I, that is.

Good luck on the search, and for those that have already made the choice to be happy, I say congratulations. Pass on the love.

Have a nice day.

kismet 30331

and now i'm here. back in atlanta. 4 years ago, i was barely 21, living in the basement of my parents house, graduating from college. since then, it seems like an entire lifetime has happened. i cannot begin to describe the sensation that i am feeling right now. i suppose, right now at least, it's indescribable. and believe me, i'm trying. i've been sitting at this keyboard for the last 20 minutes trying to think of a good metaphor, analogy, simile, or just plain explanation to just begin to describe what this feels like. where is my mind? where is my heart? what is my plan? for years, i have thought of my life as practice rounds for this very moment, as if my life wouldn't officially start until right now. high school, college, new york, puerto rico, all of it. all of it - practice. and now, it's as if someone suddenly stepped onto the court with a scorecard in hand; like someone appeared on the battlefield and replaced the paintballs with live ammunition. i don't know why i have put such emphasis on this moment in my life. i have no idea why i myself made this the benchmark for life to start keeping score. but it's ingrained. there is nothing i can do about it now but accept it. this is no longer a sparring match - if it ever was. and where my life up to this point as been but a leaf caught in a whirlwind of activity and circumstance, i feel that i have now landed - grounded in the reality that is to be the foundation for my very purpose. and really, that's what i was expecting to happen all along. it's exactly what i thought would happen. it's just what i wanted - to build on my experiences in preparation for what was to be my providence in life. this moment was always supposed to happen.

it just hadn't dawned on me that said moment started tomorrow.

puerto rico #7 - Time Wallower

i was bored one day a while back. so i decided to cut my own hair. as you see here, it came out odd, but not half bad. it got me through the week without looking like a pom-pom, ate up a good bit of time, and saved me a few dollars. besides the bald spot i covered up with a Sharpie marker, i think it was a win-win situation.

my boredom here in this place has been of direct consequence of various factors. 1) my hesitancy to invest in long-lasting friendships because i'll be gone in 4 weeks; 2) my hesitancy to invest in long-lasting friendships because i can't understand what most people around me are saying; 3) my hesitancy to do anything that costs money; 4) my embarrassing disease where i get incredibly aroused whenever i see the color orange; and 5) the weather, it's been summer for the last 8 months.

hence, i cut my hair. i follow people on twitter. i check facebook every 18 seconds. i watch the same movies on TNT, TBS, FX, Spike, and USA over and over. i read books that i discarded months ago. i think about jogging. i read random blogs of little interest to me. i watch the behaviors of ants, for a really long time. these things make me sad to admit i do. why do i know all of the characters names on "I Love Money"?! Why do I give a damn about RayJ, an artist I don't even respect, but have now given countable hours of my time to?! I am not proud of any of this. I am not happy about any of these changes. But, i recognize that they are of a necessary balance in order for me to maintain my sanity and my budget.

and isn't that what it's all about, balance? for every thing i am ashamed of, there are two things that bring me pride. spending my time in prayer, and even meditation at times. randomly exercising when the mood hits me. putting in free overtime at work solely for the benefit of my students. going on cyberdates with my lady friend by watching the same movies over the phone (very nice). exploring the island's forests, beaches, cities, and landscapes. coloring. writing songs, and stories. my occasional blogs. i dig all of that.

so, with that said, i need to leave starbucks and find a place where i might be able to find motivation to create the final exams i've been putting off since last monday. here's hoping that the next month is filled with more of the 4th paragraph here than the 3rd.

have a great day.

Clean Socks

I was a better man today.

Maybe not for the entire day, but maybe just for a moment. I was the man that I wanted to be. It was a moment where I was able to look at myself from afar, perceiving myself as someone other than myself. It wasn't much really though, but it was enough for me to be proud for a second, if not the full 5 minutes. I was washing my clothes in a laundromat, and reading a book on the side of the washer machine in a garden chair. That was all. That was what gave me some validation.

It's all relative I suppose. On my day off, I could have been in bed until noon, only waking up to eat breakfast and watch tv, only then to lay down for a nap until 4 (at which point I would only wake up later for dinner). I have sadly had more of those days than I care to count. But yet, the simple nature of this gesture, of this moment, gave me a sense of pride, as I was able to extend myself beyond what I could have done, to actions that were not necessary nor essential to the day.

Is it wrong to take pride in this? Is it immoral to take pride in initiative? Does it take away whatever aspect of being a "better man" that I just proclaimed myself to have become, if only for a moment.

Regardless, it has transpired to a domino effect of productivity and progress toward aspects of my life that I often overlook. Washing the dishes, writing my lesson plans for the week, grading papers at home, calling random people to keep in touch, picking lentballs out of my hairbrush, flossing, naming stars, and a host of other arbitrary things that normally don't get done until I absolutely have to do them.

What's more, the more I read, the more I write. It's like taking my narrative voice to the gym, as I often say.

PS. I saw a man a few days ago chatting on the internet using sign language via video connection and thought it was awesome. Awesome that we had the technology to accommodate such necessities in this day and age.

that's all. write more later.

have a nice day.

puerto rico #6

during spring break, my budget couldn't really handle a trip anywhere. then i realized that i lived in puerto rico. the following pictures are things that i came across that came out better than i expected.

dig conversations

"what are you up to tonight?" she said.

"you want the sunday school answer, or the real answer?" i replied.

"hm...a blend of the both, be creative," she said

"i can't on wednesday's. it's hump day. i spend all week just trying to get to this point. the rest of the week i can coast through. i can be creative tomorrow. thursday's are usually good for creativity," i said.

"didn't we have a conversation about that once? about how thursday's are your favorite day?" she said.

"sure did. everyone looks forward to friday, thursday is the prelude. the introduction to the end. it's the ultimate chill day. that moment just in between a deep inhale and a long exhale. when you know you can breath again," i said.

"indeed. it's also the 4th weekday. i like the number 4, it's nice and even. like the number 2. the number 2 and the number 4 are my favorite numbers. they represent a wholeness and balance that can't be found with most other numbers," she said.

"...my favorite number is 3. so put that in your blowhole," i said.

she said, "that's what she said".

"ha, i actually just saw an office episode the other day. a woman was parking her SUV and was scraping the sides of the cars next to her. she looked out the window and exclaimed "it's too tight - i have to find another spot to put it in!" i said.

"haha, hilarious, i have yet to check out the office. do you have any episodes?" she asked.

i replied, "i have to check, i might. it came on after family guy on TBS last night."

[insert 30 minute conversation on family guy]

"...but what i can't understand why American Dad would have the same format and setup as Family Guy but exclude the random flashbacks and tangents. they're taking out the very element of Family Guy, while simultaneously trying to make it just like Family Guy, it doesn't make sense," she said.

i said, "i think they're still trying to figure out their audience. it seems like a satire about post-9/11 fear-invoked patriotism in America, but still within the framework of Family Guy randomness. maybe they're playing it safe until they find their base. or maybe the show is just stupid...wait...didn't you ask me something earlier?" i said.

"..."

"..."

"...we talked about numbers..."

"...favorite days of the week?..."

"ooh...i asked you what you were doing tonight!" she exclaimed.

"oh yeah!" i said, "hm, sunday school answer - grading papers. real answer - nothing."

"...wow, we really have to work on our conversation skills," she says.

"nah," i say, "i dig our conversations."

"good," she says, "me too."

let's sell this...

i'm not sure how i feel about this. but i guess it fits in there with the daughter's beanie baby dolls, the presidential interviews during the superbowl, and being on the cover of enteraintment weekly. it's as random as it is cool. it's as shameful as it is affective. this family has become universally marketable. you put their face on it and it sells. you mention them within the fabric of anything and it grabs your attention, good or bad. Michelle's toned arms secrets, Barack's sunglasses, Malia's hair products, Sasha's missing teeth. there's something for everyone in the Obama store. on sale until 2012, or until the next big thing (my vote is American Idol's top three in the coming months, or the rising trend in edible boxershorts).

puerto rico #5 (remember to flush)

i am at a pizza place.

the food, i just successfully ordered in spanish. i even finally figured out how to get water in a glass, instead of the bottled water they bring every time by default. it should be arriving shortly.

as i wait, i pull out my laptop (janice) and proceed to read through some blogs before hopping back on the grind. and after getting engrossed in some of my favorite blogs, by some of my favorite people, i looked up. i looked up and around the room for no reason in particular. and, maybe because i saw what appeared to be black americans across the room, or maybe because my brain took longer to pull out of wild cowgirl's world than my eyes did, or maybe because this pizza place just looks vaguely familiar with no real Puerto Rican flair or ambiance, or maybe for all of those reasons - i thought i was back home.

for a split second, maybe two, i could have sworn i was in atlanta, or ny, or chicago, or boston, or any other random city i visit often in the states. i thought i was on the mainland.

this means one of two things. a) i'm starting to feel more at home in Puerto Rico, or b) i'm really growing more and more homesick. i'm going to lean towards the former, solely because i've done the homesick thing before and know that feeling when i get it. i don't think this is that. i think i am assimilating. but only to the degree of being able to cope and survive. if this is indeed assimilation, it has brought to me a very astute cognizance that i am not supposed to be here. yet, in some strange way, i am also clear that i am supposed to be here....and now i sound like a crazy person...

to put that ramble into a frame that makes sense, i realize now that puerto rico is a catalyst for me. a place that i am supposed to be, but for the purpose of moving on somewhere else. it is a pipe in my journey that i am supposed to go through, but not get stuck in. and though this may sound like a given, i find it surprising how many people get stuck in their pipes. through assimilation and routine, through obligations and responsibilities, through fear and insecurity, i think we all run the risk of getting stuck in our catalyst, prolonging the journey set ahead for us if we were to only flush on through.

i have to remind myself, i am not at home. despite conformity and/or integration into that which surrounds me, this is not my home. and though i may not know what this is until it's over and done, i know what it's not. and i have to remember where i'm supposed to be headed, and what i am supposed to do.

my pizza's here.

have a nice day.

strength...desire...

i'm still not sure how exactly this works. but this is my first go, after a while of trying to figure out how the hell to embed audio. but alas, neither here nor there, these are just some thoughts i had when i had some time on my hands one night.

hope you enjoy.

UPDATE:
ok, i was stupid. and the little audio player i had here was crap. i have learned much tonight in the world of multimedia blogging. the best way to add audio to blogspot you say? don't. turn it into a video, and upload it in blogspot directly. for my mac people, that would be to just throw it in imovie, share it as a quicktime file, and upload it here in .mov format. for my windows people, i have no idea what wmv can do these days; maybe you should just play it loud on some speakers and record it on vimeo. what's done is done. i'm now free to proceed with my life. free.

pop-counter-culture

i called my cousin franklin to put him on to a new artist i'm feeling right now. granted, he's starting to blow up a bit, being featured on MTV, a song on Madden '09, and releasing a new album last week with Mos Def and the Roots. but still, i'm bumping K'naan's 2005's freshman album, The Dusty Foot Philosopher. i haven't even heard anything from the new album, and I'm kinda afraid you. his freshman album is laced with themes of finding strength in ones self and through one's God, criticizing the hip-hop industry for losing it's message, and making ends through whatever means possible (not to mention skillful delievery and flawless signifying).



i'm afraid the new album may not relfect such themes now that he has found relative success. moreover, the first album tends to reflect my personal journey right now. not that i'm struggling on the streets of Somolia or anything, but just being able to identify with it in terms of trying to figure our God's plan, identifying my goals, and trying to dodge technical rationality to achieve my means.

but those are the reasons I like him. I've been trying to put him down with everyone else because I just think he's a cool new artist, and I like to be up on things before they get big and overly popular. Yet, whien calling cousin Franklin about him, he accepted the invitation to give him a listen out of politeness and curiosity, but then told me about a book he was reading, which was directly linked to what i was doing in my own artist recommendation.

in a nutshell, the book he was reading, "Nation of Rebels", Joseph Heath and Andrew Potter discuss how counter culture became consumer culture. how the subculture dedicated to refusing cultural trends and popular fashion as now become popular in and of itself. it discusses how the capital marketplace has not only acknowledged this subculture, but has marketed to it, catered to it, and has now made it the consumer culture right under it's own nose. take, for example, Urban Outfitters. stores of this type sell gear, clothing, accessories, and arbitrary articles solely for the purposes of completing ones rebel attire. Apple, in and of itself, was initially a rebellion against the PC world, a refusal to conform to the corporate paradigm, a subscription to that which was against the grain. artist that were once underground and of faithful, massive following, were uprooted to the mainstream to capitalize on said fans and garner more through their "underground, mainstream image"(right, TV on the Radio, N.E.R.D, T.I., etc.)

don't get me wrong, for almost all of these artist, it's their dream to make it big anyway. the book is not criticizing the artists, or the stores, or the manufacturing company. it's criticizing us. all of us that have fallen victim to captalist marking to the counter culture of non-capitalism and non-conformity. it criticizes why we're so quick to pay extra to be so different, when it's really making us a part of the very culture we are trying so hard to differentiate from. the message wasn't to not be a part of it, but to think first, and really analyze if what you're doing is truly what you're trying to do. counter culture isn't buying a pair of torn jeans from Express, it's going to the thrift store and buying jeans someone else has worn out - sending the message to pop-culture that you refuse to pay out the ass for basic clothing.

yet, somewhere, that message became popular, so the Express jeans went on sale, and now everyone is a rebel. and if everyone is a rebel, no one is. (thanks Incredibles.)

this brings me to why I'm so adamant on plugging k'naan right now. because he's not in the mainstream (yet), I find some satisfaction in playing him in my car and my guests ask, "wow, who's that?" and i reply, "yeah, no one knows about this artist yet, he's good, here, listen to track 5..." because i'm a jerk. as much a jerk as anyone else. and nowadays, we all want to be a part of something that no one else is a part of, only to turn around and get everyone else to be a part of it.

think about it. that's all i'm saying.

ps. k'naan is the truth though. i'll check out the new album soon and let you know. peace.

puerto rico #4

i'm sure i have written at least three entries about puerto rico. so let's just call this number 4, so i can keep track of them. i owe various people some pictures, descriptions, explanations, apologies, money, drinks, and general status updates (not being the random sentences on facebook I upload from my phone when watching episodes of America's Best Dance Crew and Lost). so, with taking this moment to write some things that have been happening on this Dharma-Initiative run island, allow me to play catch-up with some quick points.

#1) i noticed that i had a "blog follower". i mean, i knew i had people that read the blog. but when it pops up that one has a "blog follower", it's kinda cool. i'm not sure how that works. i should, but i don't. and i'm afraid that if i dig too deep, it won't be as cool anymore. with that said, let's move to #2...

#2) i moved from my old place, to a new place. as it turns out, my place was hella posh. i was leaving in isle verde. which is literally, come to find out, where the wealthy in puerto rico purchase their beach condos that they escape to on the weekend and rent out to college kids on random spring breaks. coming from NY, it seemed like a steal. $600 for a beach front studio; smack in the middle of great restuarants, bars, and clubs; a block away from a good 24 hours grocery store; across the street from the highway exit; and excellent, private, gated parking. then, after 3 months and actually talking to people, i learned that everyone else in puerto rico (the normal people) were paying around $300 - $400 rent, including utilities. there's to the revelation, but, long-story short, i went broke very quickly, and barely made it out of the apartment before bad things started happening. now it's "get yourself out of debt" time.

i owe my dear friend pictures of the old place. even though i know they're gonna ask for pics of the new place immediately afterwards.






that was the old. i don't have the new pics yet. i just don't. i wish i did. but there are some things i have to sacrifice. $325/month with utilities fits into the budget better. it's all relative yknow. it took a little while for me to realize that i wasn't getting paychecks from NY anymore. PR paychecks are vastly different. vastly. so, sacrificed is the beach, the restaurants, the bars, the clubs, the close highway, the 24 hour grocery store. gone is the private gated parking. gone is the rooftop view of San Juan. i was living posh. but i thought everyone lived on the beach! it's puerto rico! i thought it was normal, i really did. the $600 was already more than a 50% slash from the NY apartment!! how was i supposed to know i wasn't supposed to be paying out the ass for high speed internet in my posh studio?! how was i supposed to know i was supposed to do like everyone else and cop a squat at Starbucks, Borders, or McDonalds to get internet there?!












#3) yes, the free McDonalds internet is supposedly whats' up here. I don't know about the states, but it is here. you know why? because everything here is tricked out. whether that's a good thing or a bad thing, i don't know. but i rode a yellow school bus to a field trip a few days ago, and it was installed with a small television where the rear view mirror would normall go. around it were several high performing speakers. and just for those throughout the bus, the ceiling was spotted with smaller speakers installed throughout. we proceeded to ride through the streets of Carolina, PR bumping reggeaton, swerving with the door open and the speakers set to Xplode apparently. other examples include A) a whore house using an electronic LED scrolling marquee (similiar to those at a movie theatre), only, the message scrolling across is that which comes pre-installed on it, demonstrating examples of utilization (store discounts, millenium countdown, and current time, etc.); B) the consistency of stilletto heels to do anything whatsoever (from grocery shopping to getting the mail); and C) my car has a siren. i don't know why. but it does. along with it's chrome steering wheel and electronic gas reader that may or may not read correctly.

all of these are things that i dig, and think are odd. simultaneously. but hey, "it's puerto rico". that's all you can say. it's the only thing that makes it better. it's the only thing that makes it right.

ok, i think 3 points are enough. i have to leave...i can't remember if i locked the door back on my new apartment, and for some reason that worries me. more on that later.

have a great day.

the novelty of restoration

i think it is important to realize that people, as a whole, do not like change. the average person - maybe. however, people, the masses, are generally against change. historically speaking, people have gathered by the majority of masses against radical thought, unconventional shifts within society, and the implementation of taboo ideals. the civil rights movement which marked a turn in the middle of the 20th century, which is now honored as a great stride in American History and is considered a victory for America's ability to change and mature, was initially a time of unrest, fear, crime, rampage, and anger. on both sides of the civil rights movement, there existed a general and overwhelming amount of criticism about whether or not the movement should even take place. at the time, black-only communities were beginning to flourish, and the integration of white communities and white schools meant that these very same maturing communities would be deemed second rate, passed-over, and ultimately passed-up for more viable options in other neighborhoods. the white-only communities of the time also met this change with resistance, as it meant sharing the businesses they owned and operated with a culture they did not know, did not trust, and generally thought to be inferior to their own. now, i'm no historian, but believe that this resistance was met with government force, as the integration of communities and cultures began to make sense in terms of capitalism and gentrification. it was also supported by the powers that be after change seemed to be inevitable, a force that was picking up momentum, either in the direction of the non-violent Christan movement led by Dr. King, or in the direction of black-superiority and defensive aggression, led by the Nation of Islam and Malcolm X. with those "powers that be" considering the better of the two, Dr. King was nationally exalted for his work and cause, and it was then pushed throughout America that if one were to join this force of change, his would be the direction to go. and though history tends to be kind to positive moments of change in a given society, this push for change was a by-product of the civil unrest that the same change initially started, and was a socially painful time in which to live because of it.

i bring this up to not to attest whether or not change is necessary when it is implemented, but rather to point out that, necessary or not, history shows us that it is almost always met with civil unrest, harsh criticism, and frustration among the masses. where monumental change is seen, you will find initial resistance from the masses and overall disapproval from the people it affects. the cases stretch far and wide. Jesus introduced radical concepts that led to his publicly endorsed death for the world to witness. Lincoln introduced taboo ideals into law that led to his public downfall and assassination. Galileo was considered crazy. Einstein was a laughing stock. Marcus Garvey was deemed a "traitor and lunatic" even by fellow black idealist of the day.

change is not accepted by the masses. and is especially rejected by American culture.

and so, when considering why the campaign of Barack Obama, one that was centered on the pillar of change, was so accepted and renowned, the thought initially seems to be an anomaly. the notion that, all of a sudden, the masses support and corroborate this pledge of change in Washington, this idea of change in racial barriers, and the concept of change in our society, appears to contradict history itself by implying that masses and multitude do, in fact, welcome change where change is needed. and though this implication may seem air-tight, i choose to stand on the side of history. i propose that when analyzing the cause and and reason behind the colossal support of Obama's platform, one need not believe that people have reach some new level of maturity or courage. one need not think that history has shifted and that people as a whole now welcome change for no reason, or because it is now exceptionally needed where before it wasn't. no, i beg of you not to think that people are now, for the first time in the history of people, ready to welcome change in a way that has been undocumented since the beginning of time simply because Obama is that uplifting, that inspiring, that encouraging, or that cool. i would rather you look at this phenomenon from a different angle: that Obama's administration does not represent change at all.

on the contrary. Obama's campaign does not represent an era of change, but rather a return to the familiar. during the campaign, they likened him to figures such as JFK and King, his proposals like that of Carter and Clinton, and his swagger to that of a young Bobby Kennedy. Obama does not represent change, he represents a return to a golden era. his promises are that of fixing that which is broken, not creating something new. his speeches are of returning America back to power, not to taking a new stance in the world. Bush, if anything, represented change in American policies and practices - Obama is a return to the illusion of morality that American prides itself on. the change in which he speaks, is change from change, changing back, changing from the beast that America has become to the beast that we once were. and it is this change that the American masses support. it is this change that American masses are addicted to. even his racial identity, though seemingly a change in American prejudice, is more so a return in the American superiority complex. we raise our banners and flags to say "look what we did! look what we accomplished! America has overcome it's own history of hatred and bigotry! look countries that have ousted us from your circles of trust! we can change! we are different! we are better!"

and i, i do not fall outside of this mass of people. i am not on the outside looking in. i lift that banner to, in my own American pride, in my own cultural superiority complex. i too want to return to the way things were. i too long for the economy i grew up in, and the education programs that i was schooled. i too long for this change from change, this return from destitution, this revival of America. i long for it. i love it. i support it and the catalyst in which it has been represented - this man that has given us all hope to return the familiar and the greatness our country once was.

and though, a part of me possesses this hope of return, there is a larger part of me telling myself that it can never go back to the way it was. things have changed for real. over the last decade, things have changed so slowly, it did not receive the resistance it deserved. i do not fault Obama for selling his campaign on change, when it is really restoration, because that is simply a matter of semantics. a play on words. i simply want to keep things in perspective, respecting the history of change and what it means to be amongst it. because, though his intentions may be to restore America, his efforts to do so may really result in actual change. and history tells, that change is a hard thing for people to truly accept. i pray for the best. i prepare for the impact of what may be a defining decade for our generation, our nation, and our people as a whole.

the audacity to hope

on the day that my president takes office, on the very moment, with his hand on the Bible and the oath being heard by all - i will be sitting in a classroom along the offskirts of Puerto Rico, eating a peanut butter/jelly sandwich, probably breaking a sweat in the heat. hence, with no tv around, and no access to the internet from my laptop there, i will attempt to post access this very website from my iPhone and hope that this link to the live showing on Hulu will work. ah, the audacity of such hope. to think that i will be able to access qhat may be the most important link of our generation on my iPhone from the middle of an island during my lunch break. to check it out though, I'm going to also embed this link to Stewie Griffin flirting with girls at Brown University just to see if it's even remotely possible. then the only question is whether it will be able to handle the whole "live" thing. we'll see.

if not, i won't feel too bad. i did the most important thing that i could think of, and that was vote. i was watching live when Hillary "suspended" her campaign. and was watching live when he won the elections on Nov. 4. so, the bulk of things I've wanted to do in regard to this gives me solace for missing the inauguration. at least a little. and as much as i'd love to be in dc, chances are that i would get stuck, and inevitably fired for missing a month of work. i'll just have to witness it in the same mode that I have to witness the first episode of Lost this season - "later".

I pray for the safety of Obama and all of America as we try to cross this huge milestone in our history and legacy as a generation, as a nation, and as a whole. and use this as motivation to do be great someday, sacrificing that which I truly want to do for the sake of this venture in which i fell led to do. i can't let this be for not. i can't let this be in vain. i have to make this experience worth every missed birthday, every lost friend, every passes up opportunity, for the audacious hope that it will amount to more than i can possible envision at this point in my life.


oh...almost forgot the Stewie test.


have a nice day.

i'm just not there...

"Let me know
Do I still got time to grow?
Things ain't always set in stone
That being known let me know
Let me

Seems like street lights glowing
Happen to be just like moments passing in front of me
So I hopped in the cab and
I paid my fares
See I know my destination
But I'm just not there"
- Kanye West, Street Lights

it peeks over the horizon like the break of dawn over an endless pasture. i suppose it has always been there though. in hindsight, i know that i have always been able to see aura of it. like the faint orange hue of that same dawn before the sun cracks over the edge of vision. yet, what perplexes me is that, though i see the prelude of its form, and can glimpse the outline of it's structure, it comes without crescendo. it is my future. and though i am able to see it take form right before my eyes, it comes without the cymbals, trumpets or percussion. it comes without explosion, blast, or fire. it edges toward the horizon without fanfare, without celebration, without applause.

without observance. but, somewhere, i thought it would have.

not that i knew it would, or wouldn't. but i suppose it was a hope. maybe i've seen too many movies. in the scripts of hollywood, once the characters destiny and purpose was realized, there was a moment, a sudden awakening in their very essence. the lighting would change. the wind would rustle in their air. the theme song would play softly int he background, and build to a mighty forefront as the protagonist races against time to fulfill said destiny and proclaim said purpose.

but not mine.

mine is a thief in the night for some reason. and the only reason i can think of is because it's not coming at all. it's always been there. it's stationary. the same way that the sun doesn't come or go, but rather, leaves the dynamics of dawn and dusk up to the planet's rotation. it is never the dawn we see breaking over the horizon really, it's Earth turning toward the Sun. and as such, i am now led to believe that my purpose hasn't started to approach me, but rather, it is I that has started to approach my purpose. it is i that come without fanfare or celebration. it is i that comes without percussion or horn. it is i coming over horizon like a thief in the night. moving slowly towards my future. hell, maybe my future is excited to see me. perhaps it's perplexed as to why i peek over the edge of vision without observance. for, it has been waiting for me. and i have been waiting to come upon it. but i am not there yet.

perhaps we all are walking our paths, blindly and ignorantly waiting for our destinies to meet us upon the road; where in reality, it is a static fixture, one which we approach in our own time, one that waits with infinite patience and tranquility. it makes me wonder.

it makes me wonder indeed.