puerto rico #7 - Time Wallower

i was bored one day a while back. so i decided to cut my own hair. as you see here, it came out odd, but not half bad. it got me through the week without looking like a pom-pom, ate up a good bit of time, and saved me a few dollars. besides the bald spot i covered up with a Sharpie marker, i think it was a win-win situation.

my boredom here in this place has been of direct consequence of various factors. 1) my hesitancy to invest in long-lasting friendships because i'll be gone in 4 weeks; 2) my hesitancy to invest in long-lasting friendships because i can't understand what most people around me are saying; 3) my hesitancy to do anything that costs money; 4) my embarrassing disease where i get incredibly aroused whenever i see the color orange; and 5) the weather, it's been summer for the last 8 months.

hence, i cut my hair. i follow people on twitter. i check facebook every 18 seconds. i watch the same movies on TNT, TBS, FX, Spike, and USA over and over. i read books that i discarded months ago. i think about jogging. i read random blogs of little interest to me. i watch the behaviors of ants, for a really long time. these things make me sad to admit i do. why do i know all of the characters names on "I Love Money"?! Why do I give a damn about RayJ, an artist I don't even respect, but have now given countable hours of my time to?! I am not proud of any of this. I am not happy about any of these changes. But, i recognize that they are of a necessary balance in order for me to maintain my sanity and my budget.

and isn't that what it's all about, balance? for every thing i am ashamed of, there are two things that bring me pride. spending my time in prayer, and even meditation at times. randomly exercising when the mood hits me. putting in free overtime at work solely for the benefit of my students. going on cyberdates with my lady friend by watching the same movies over the phone (very nice). exploring the island's forests, beaches, cities, and landscapes. coloring. writing songs, and stories. my occasional blogs. i dig all of that.

so, with that said, i need to leave starbucks and find a place where i might be able to find motivation to create the final exams i've been putting off since last monday. here's hoping that the next month is filled with more of the 4th paragraph here than the 3rd.

have a great day.

Clean Socks

I was a better man today.

Maybe not for the entire day, but maybe just for a moment. I was the man that I wanted to be. It was a moment where I was able to look at myself from afar, perceiving myself as someone other than myself. It wasn't much really though, but it was enough for me to be proud for a second, if not the full 5 minutes. I was washing my clothes in a laundromat, and reading a book on the side of the washer machine in a garden chair. That was all. That was what gave me some validation.

It's all relative I suppose. On my day off, I could have been in bed until noon, only waking up to eat breakfast and watch tv, only then to lay down for a nap until 4 (at which point I would only wake up later for dinner). I have sadly had more of those days than I care to count. But yet, the simple nature of this gesture, of this moment, gave me a sense of pride, as I was able to extend myself beyond what I could have done, to actions that were not necessary nor essential to the day.

Is it wrong to take pride in this? Is it immoral to take pride in initiative? Does it take away whatever aspect of being a "better man" that I just proclaimed myself to have become, if only for a moment.

Regardless, it has transpired to a domino effect of productivity and progress toward aspects of my life that I often overlook. Washing the dishes, writing my lesson plans for the week, grading papers at home, calling random people to keep in touch, picking lentballs out of my hairbrush, flossing, naming stars, and a host of other arbitrary things that normally don't get done until I absolutely have to do them.

What's more, the more I read, the more I write. It's like taking my narrative voice to the gym, as I often say.

PS. I saw a man a few days ago chatting on the internet using sign language via video connection and thought it was awesome. Awesome that we had the technology to accommodate such necessities in this day and age.

that's all. write more later.

have a nice day.

puerto rico #6

during spring break, my budget couldn't really handle a trip anywhere. then i realized that i lived in puerto rico. the following pictures are things that i came across that came out better than i expected.