The following is a conversation I had in a Waffle House at 3am with Gigi. More informative than I was expecting it to be, it turned out to be rather accurate in it's portrayal. Hence, I bring it about here. The stages and definitions of a relationships and their titles (as I see it):
1) Attraction. This level is the basic notion of interest. Be it a friend, acquaintance, or associate, one begins to admire an individual and desires them. The extent of said desire is irrelevant in this stage, as the only significant fact is that desire is present, and mutual. In this stage, flirting takes place - laughter, shared interest, and some form of physical contact (light embrace, held hands, close dance, movie snug, etc.) Note: this is also the stage where jealously enters.
2) "Diggin". This stage establishes the fact that both parties are interested in the other. For, though attraction may be mutual, it may not be actually feasible to act on. So consider this stage the green light, where both parties not only get to know one another, but also get the indication that the subsequent stages are attainable. Go ahead, put your cards out on the table, have that good talk, move from the movie snug to the full on make-out session during Kill Bill Vol. 2 (which you thought was going to be so much better than it was). Note: if potential jealously wasn't there before, it definitely is there now.
3) Casual Dating. Pay attention, these next three stages are tricky. Casual dating means that you are spending time with a person that you like, doing things that you enjoy doing with that person, with the potential that intimate encounters may ensue. No expectations. No obligations. No responsibilities. No strings. Fellas, you don't have to call her and tell her goodnight. Not at this stage. Ladies, you don't have to call him to let him know you made it in safe. Nothing. Nada. It's all just for fun. It's like a sparring match. It's like teaching without tenure. At any point it could end and you can't cry foul about it. But know this, if you plan on moving up in stages, what you do in the casual stage does count. The points, though drawn in pencil, are there. And you can't advance to the next stage in dating, if you don't come correct in this one.
4) Basic Dating. So, when a good movie is coming out soon, you already know who you're gonna call. When your friend is about to get married, you already know who you want to ask as your date. This is Basic Dating. This is when you can say, "I am dating this person." They are your go-to. Though you may have a roster, or other people you're interested in, this is your "main squeeze". Expectations start come into play here, and how one handles those expectations dictates the course of the relationship from here on out. Actions here determine whether or not the relationship moves on to the next stage, or if it disintegrates entirely.
5) Exclusive Dating. For whatever reason, you don't call each other "boyfriend/girlfriend" and though everyone knows the deal, you still introduce them to people as your "friend". This is the only difference between Exclusive Dating and Exclusive Relationship. It's just not official. You can still play the "I'm not your man/woman" card. The expectations are there, but the obligations are not. The design is there, but the responsibility is not. And without obligations and responsibility comes the freedom from consideration. You're still in it for yourself at this stage, despite the fact that you are clearly with only one person and share your experiences with them more than most. Despite the fact that everyone else considers you to be a couple, though between the two of you it's more "undefined". This stage can be both beautiful and frustrating depending on the day and depending on where both parties are in their lives.
6) Exclusive Relationship. The bells and whistles are now attached, and you either love it or hate it. This stage deserves it's own handbook, and I'm sure more than enough exist. This is, for all intents and purposes, for adults, known as "courting". Let's be honest, we can't sit around wasting each others' time. We have careers and lives to think about now. We can't allow ourselves to just jump into relationships just for the hell of it and think it's nothing. That was stage 3. Don't even come up to stage 6 without rain boots on. Really, this is consistency, consideration, communication, and collaboration. Daily. Daily. And it's all worth it if it's real. If it's true. If it isn't, it shouldn't go into the next stage at all, nor will it last in this one. This is really where two become coalesced, not that they become one, but that they just become intertwined. This is the stage where it's "official". The whole "boyfriend/girlfriend" thing. The meet the parents and the friends and all. This is the person you are truly interested in, and want to make work out to something lasting, or nothing at all.
7) Marriage. And Engagement, for those that are going to nitpick. This is for all the marbles. You should expect this person to greet you in heaven. It's not an easy stage at all. It's the previous stage times, well, a lot. But it is simple. Just love each other through literally everything. Simple, but not easy. Though, if you made it through all of the previous six stages, and still made it here, hopefully you've built up foundation enough to really make it to the home stretch. For those more spiritual, marriage is really defined as the union between two individuals and God. Though not an easy venture, it has potential to be one of the most beautiful things to behold.
Case and point, just to demonstrate the stages.
Case: Eric is buying a house. How would this be handled, based on the stage of relationship?
Stage 1 - Attraction - Eric is going to ensure that Faith is invited to the house warming party.
Stage 2 - Diggin - Eric is sure to invite Faith to the house warming party personally. Will ensure personal time with her.
Stage 3 - Casual Dating - Faith comes with friends so as to not appear alone or overeager, to which they (or at least she) is one of the last to leave, if she does. Eric accommodates and spends quality time during, and especially near the end of the house warming.
Stage 4 - Dating - Eric lets Faith know that he is buying a house weeks before hand just in conversation. As such, he takes her by just to see it before the house warming is thrown. She thinks it's special that he takes her by before some of his other friends.
Stage 5 - Exclusive Dating - Eric asks Faith to help him throw the house warming party, to which she accepts and assists. She invites friends and makes the run for food/drink when things run low so as to free Eric up to be a good host. She stays after to help him clean and relax.
Stage 6 - Exclusive Relationship - Faith is included on the house warming idea from day one, and her opinion of the house before Eric signs for it is significant to him. She may even help decorate a bit, depending on how deep the relationship is. She helps clean up afterwards, and enlists others to help as well. Maybe even some breakfast in the morning.
Stage 7 - Marriage/Engagement - The house gets signed for when both parties are more than satisfied. The house warming party is of equal initiative and is of equal responsibility. Eric and Faith take a moment to thank everyone for coming out near the end of the party, and end the night with one last song from The Dave Matthews Band.
And there you have it. Questions? Comments? Concerns?
