i feel myself getting older. technology passing by me in a way that makes me apathetic. i used to spend hours in the gadget stores. but now i feel like i'm barely keeping up. website creation is becoming second nature to the kids now, cpu programming is a cinch. programs, apps, platforms, operating systems, they are all being updated on a monthly, if not weekly basis. and if it's indeed daily, then it further shows how far out of the loop i am.
i want to create something awesome.
but i'm not a musician. i'm not an artist. i'm not even a writer.
what can i create? how can i make something out of a blank screen or canvas that represents the totality of the world that i envision - the project that consistently takes place in my mind. there is a concert, a film, a book, an album, and a design all sitting dormant in my brain. they are all rolled into one though, like a ball of variously colored rubber bands. and though i seek to find the right avenue in which to expose them, none seem to do justice. and so, i find myself reclusive of my vision. actualization seems impossible...just out of my grasp.
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Saturday, February 27, 2010
snapshot
things got so serious all of a sudden, didn't they.i'm not sure when exactly, but, i feel that i've been chasing that which i had. of course, that which i had is gone now, but was it only a matter of location? or job? or certain friends?
i found myself looking through some pictures stored on my old computer. pictures i hadn't seen in years. since i uploaded them on the hard drive really. and as i was going through them, i realized that, i was really happy when i was living in new york.
of course though, this could be for a number of reasons. but ultimately, i feel like i was so happy because it was an escape. here, in atlanta, i feel the pressure to be a certain somebody. i feel like i'm expected by various individuals and entities to answer a calling on my life that i actually believe to be true, but have yet to really step up to. you see, my image of a minister is that which i know from being raised in the church, and that which i want it to be in my own opinion. as such, it requires some lifestyle changes for myself. and here in atlanta, it also means picking up certain allegiances and obligations that i couldn't care less about. it means subscribing to the family drama of churches and battles of loyalty. it means not hanging out at the bar without getting judged or having to supervise my image. it means being ever cognizant of my actions, as a role model and public figure of the community. it means sacrifice, to pick up the habits of that which i do not know. and to be honest, that frightens me.
but it's not just that though. i can't sit here in all honesty and blame ministry as to why i'm not living like i used to. it took a long time for me to cultivate a sense of family and friends in new york. it wasn't always so peachy. i suppose though (and excuse me, this is just me thinking as i type), i suppose it could just be that coming back to atlanta is not what i thought it would be. the network and friends that i thought i had, i just don't. and now i've been gone from nyc so long i don't think i have it there either.
sigh, i dare not look a gift horse in the mouth though. i have great friends here in atlanta. my girlfriend is awesome, the friends i have here are the truth, and i really do have fun times here. i do. i'm not talking about the quality of life i feel here. no, on the contrary, i am living well back here in atlanta. right now though, i am referring to how i feel. i feel like, like, like i'm in limbo. like i'm not doing what i'm supposed to be doing. i feel like i was happy as a teacher. i feel like i'd be happy as a minister. but right now i'm not doing either, because of making the transition from one to the other. it's not the smooth transition i thought, and that i hoped, it would be.
why isn't it?
no one told me that it would be. but, i suppose i figured that if God ordained a path for me to take and walk upon, that path would be made plain, that it would be made available to me. i figured i wouldn't have so many questions, or so many doubts. i didn't think it would be this...uncomfortable. i question whether or not i should move again, or not go to seminary, or go to a different seminary, or any other host of random questions that might make this journey make sense.
because it doesn't right now.
right now it feels like my soul has it's shoe's on the wrong feet. thankful that it has shoes at all, it doesn't want to complain, or question the quality of the shoes, but can't shake the feeling that it may not be right. is this how my life is supposed to feel right now? like i'm wearing my shirt backwards? like the milk in my cereal might be a day too old? like going through the day wondering if i cut off the iron before i left home?
am i supposed to feel like that daily?
especially when i used t
o feel like i could fly? when i used to feel like i could see the lights of life right before my eyes. when there was no weight in the world, and the sense of obligations and allegiances were too far away to matter. when life was a blur, only captured by brief moments of camera stills and conversations with old friends. why don't i feel that now? why don't i feel like life is simple anymore, or as small as it used to be? why don't i feel at home in the place i call home?some would argue that it's just a matter of growing up. some would argue that it's high time i was pulled down from the idealistic ninth cloud i was renting for so long. some would even argue that the path of a minister is as such. worse before it gets better.
my hope is that it's neither of these things. i hope that what i'm going through is what any and everyone goes through when they break from what they know to connect to something new. like a toothbrush, or a pair of shoes - even if they are on the wrong feet. i hope that it's a matter of breaking in a new path in life, very different from my old one. i hope that i find as much freedom and comfort as i remember having, or more, or different, or of more significance.
these are but hopes though. hopes that i'm doing the right thing. and not making a mistake.
because sometimes, it sure feels like it.
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
write. read. live. again.
funny how when someone close to you recommends something, you ignore it; and yet, when someone else recommends the same thing, it is all of a sudden an epiphany.
my mom told me i should be writing all of my experiences down to refer to later. my old Shakespeare professor said the same, and now i feel that it's a great idea. this makes me a jerk son. i called mom later and told her thanks for all the good advice through the years. so at least now i'm a thankful jerk.
that's a start.
my mom told me i should be writing all of my experiences down to refer to later. my old Shakespeare professor said the same, and now i feel that it's a great idea. this makes me a jerk son. i called mom later and told her thanks for all the good advice through the years. so at least now i'm a thankful jerk.
that's a start.
Monday, January 4, 2010
the specifics
i should write what i'm thinking right now. if for no other reason than to look back on it years from now and laugh, or wonder, or cry, or something. hindsight always paints things in such a pleasant hue. just today, i was reflecting on how much i miss teaching in new york city, and i do. then i read a blog entry about how tired i was and how i wish i could find a job where i could make my own schedule. ha, irony.
but i digress.
the following is a problem without a solution:
i want to be a preacher and teacher. to be more specific, i want to be a professor, God wants me to be a preacher. to be even more specific, i will probably be both either way it goes. so, thankfully, the question of "which?" is not the problem.
the question, rather, is "how?", or, more specifically, "what path?"
you see, i have been accepted into Emory University's seminary program (thank you, i'm excited), starting this fall. yet, i'm accepted into their Masters of Divinity MDiv program, which is tailored for those going into ministry for their main profession, which i probably need. it's a three-year program. subsequently, they also have a Masters of Theological Studies MTS program, which is tailored for those preparing to go into a academic profession (teacher or researcher), which I would love. this program is two years.
yes, i'm clear that within either program, i can tweak what i need to be able to suit my amibitions either way. that's what makes this most difficult. i want to pursue a PhD, so that's more geared towards the MTS program. i want to be a good minister, so that's more MDiv. i want to be a professor - MTS. i want to be involved with community development through church organization - MDiv. i'd much rather two years than three - MTS. i'd like to learn hebrew to interpret old testement scriptures - MDiv.
to be more specific, i know i need a degree to teach on a college level, so thats more MTS. yet, if i am ever called to be a pastor, a MDiv will be more appropriate.
this is what is keeping me up at 3am this fine january morning. the leaning right now is to go for a MDiv with a concentration on Biblical Interpretations (the Hebrew thing), which will be much like getting the degree for being a minister, with a heavy focus on academic research and theology - the likes of which may serve as a good foundation for a PhD in religion and grounds for professorship.
we'll see.
the weight of this decision carries that of the same weight of any other. it will forever determine the friends i make. the relationships i form. the doors that are opened. the opportunities that are closed. the direction of my life and the lives that i affect for years to come.
it's kinda interesting to look back at these decisions before they're made and understand at least one of the two paths and the destination that came of it. hence, i write this. and granted that you're reading this years ahead from now, just think of ironic everything turned out. think of how everything just seemed to fall in place, coming from this point where you couldn't even figure out the first step. that's the blessing of all of it. that's how specific it all really is. every detail.
go on to bed, don't lose any more sleep over it. it will all be ok. goodnight. goodnight indeed.
but i digress.
the following is a problem without a solution:
i want to be a preacher and teacher. to be more specific, i want to be a professor, God wants me to be a preacher. to be even more specific, i will probably be both either way it goes. so, thankfully, the question of "which?" is not the problem.
the question, rather, is "how?", or, more specifically, "what path?"
you see, i have been accepted into Emory University's seminary program (thank you, i'm excited), starting this fall. yet, i'm accepted into their Masters of Divinity MDiv program, which is tailored for those going into ministry for their main profession, which i probably need. it's a three-year program. subsequently, they also have a Masters of Theological Studies MTS program, which is tailored for those preparing to go into a academic profession (teacher or researcher), which I would love. this program is two years.
yes, i'm clear that within either program, i can tweak what i need to be able to suit my amibitions either way. that's what makes this most difficult. i want to pursue a PhD, so that's more geared towards the MTS program. i want to be a good minister, so that's more MDiv. i want to be a professor - MTS. i want to be involved with community development through church organization - MDiv. i'd much rather two years than three - MTS. i'd like to learn hebrew to interpret old testement scriptures - MDiv.
to be more specific, i know i need a degree to teach on a college level, so thats more MTS. yet, if i am ever called to be a pastor, a MDiv will be more appropriate.
this is what is keeping me up at 3am this fine january morning. the leaning right now is to go for a MDiv with a concentration on Biblical Interpretations (the Hebrew thing), which will be much like getting the degree for being a minister, with a heavy focus on academic research and theology - the likes of which may serve as a good foundation for a PhD in religion and grounds for professorship.
we'll see.
the weight of this decision carries that of the same weight of any other. it will forever determine the friends i make. the relationships i form. the doors that are opened. the opportunities that are closed. the direction of my life and the lives that i affect for years to come.
it's kinda interesting to look back at these decisions before they're made and understand at least one of the two paths and the destination that came of it. hence, i write this. and granted that you're reading this years ahead from now, just think of ironic everything turned out. think of how everything just seemed to fall in place, coming from this point where you couldn't even figure out the first step. that's the blessing of all of it. that's how specific it all really is. every detail.
go on to bed, don't lose any more sleep over it. it will all be ok. goodnight. goodnight indeed.
the lack of ups and downs
the ups and downs will come. yet, for some reason, when things seem too good, we feel as though it should come at a price. "ups" without "downs" seems implausible. seems surreal. we get the notion that it shouldn't be; that's it's just not right. we may even get the urge to manufacture turmoil solely to validate that which seems too good to be true. or maybe that's just me.
you see, it's hard to believe that happiness just arrives at your doorstep. it's difficult to imagine that joy can come so freely. in all facets of storytelling, be it book, films, song, or folklore, happiness comes only after struggle; only after the conflict has been resolved. even when said tales begin in a happy setting, it is succeeded by struggle or despair to be overcome, only to arrive to happiness again in the end. is that the story of life? or is that simply the art of storytelling?
the ups and downs will come. i'm sure. that's been the pattern so far. it's just that, when the "up" seems so sudden, and so...tailored, it gets a bit scary. it's as if the "down" may come just as quickly. it's like expecting a drop at any second because you're aware of how high you've gotten in such a short amount of time.
i know, i know, i shouldn't be focused on the fear. and i won't, i pseudo promise. but, one can't help but wonder. right? i mean, when such a positive thing comes out of no where, you have to wonder what you did to deserve it. or if you even deserve it at all.
i'm sure i don't. so i'll just have to be sure to remember that. through the ups and downs and all the time in between. because that's what 'happy' is, isn't it?
you see, it's hard to believe that happiness just arrives at your doorstep. it's difficult to imagine that joy can come so freely. in all facets of storytelling, be it book, films, song, or folklore, happiness comes only after struggle; only after the conflict has been resolved. even when said tales begin in a happy setting, it is succeeded by struggle or despair to be overcome, only to arrive to happiness again in the end. is that the story of life? or is that simply the art of storytelling?
the ups and downs will come. i'm sure. that's been the pattern so far. it's just that, when the "up" seems so sudden, and so...tailored, it gets a bit scary. it's as if the "down" may come just as quickly. it's like expecting a drop at any second because you're aware of how high you've gotten in such a short amount of time.
i know, i know, i shouldn't be focused on the fear. and i won't, i pseudo promise. but, one can't help but wonder. right? i mean, when such a positive thing comes out of no where, you have to wonder what you did to deserve it. or if you even deserve it at all.
i'm sure i don't. so i'll just have to be sure to remember that. through the ups and downs and all the time in between. because that's what 'happy' is, isn't it?
Friday, October 9, 2009
Stupid Democrats
So let's get this straight. In 2006, we, the constituents of America, hand you Congress. Gift wrapped with a bow. We attached a nice note that said, "I've liked you since the 2nd grade." We even threw in a bag of candy hearts that said "be mine".
At which point, you put forth a few good ideas. You put forth some pretty monumental efforts. Yet, it was all only the vast majority of them to be shot down by President Bush, or result in a financial bailout for corporations that likely had a significant role to play in the countries economic downward spiral in the first place. But we, the constituents, looked past that. We understood that the reason you couldn't come to the movies to make out was that your daddy wouldn't let you out the house. The reason you couldn't be the prom queen was because the principal wouldn't sign off on the tiara. The reason you couldn't pitch was because coach would let you out the dugout.
So, in Nov. 2008, we changed the coach, so you could throw your no-hitter game. We gave you a new principal so that you could shine in your majestic glory. We gave you a new Daddy, Democrats, a new daddy!
Metaphors aside for a moment. Really, for all the roadblocks you hit while Bush was in office, we overwhelmingly voted in a new leader to the White House to alleviate your pain and suffering. We, as a nation, sighed a sigh of relief to the notion that "now, ok, now things will get done". Dems own Congress, in need of no Republican support whatsoever from Senate or the House of Representatives. Dems own the White House, no opposition from the President, as he's more visionary than most and is really, and I mean really trying to get things done. So now, with all of these pieces in place for Democrats as a group to do literally whatever you wanted with any aspect of our federal government, the first and ONLY thing you all decide to do is.........
Squabble.
I promise. If 2012 rolls around and we haven't reformed healthcare, made progress in Afghanistan, stopped the national economic tailspin, AND closed Guantanamo Bay, I'm switchin parties! Not only am I switching, but I'm campaigning, hard. For whomever the hell is not Republican or Democratic Party. I'll listen to any other party out there Independent, Green, Black Panther, you name it!
Because really, what's your excuse? WHAT IS YOUR EXCUSE!? You have none! Your opposition is insignificant! It's like your playing football and the defense only has 3 people on the other side of the scrimmage - and you jackasses are arguing about which play you want to execute to score the touchdown! How do you not realize that it doesn't matter what the hell you do, we just want to score!!
And so now, you blame Republicans for playing politics. You blame insurance companies for ambushing town hall meetings and spreading false rumors. You blame the previous administration for leaving such a huge mess left to clean up. But really, where I am sure all of those excuses are real and factual - it's October. It is October. It is October. And besides pulling the trigger on a stimulus package that was already halfway written this time last year, you have nothing to show for yourselves.
This is the epitome of shameful. Stupid Democrats.
At which point, you put forth a few good ideas. You put forth some pretty monumental efforts. Yet, it was all only the vast majority of them to be shot down by President Bush, or result in a financial bailout for corporations that likely had a significant role to play in the countries economic downward spiral in the first place. But we, the constituents, looked past that. We understood that the reason you couldn't come to the movies to make out was that your daddy wouldn't let you out the house. The reason you couldn't be the prom queen was because the principal wouldn't sign off on the tiara. The reason you couldn't pitch was because coach would let you out the dugout.
So, in Nov. 2008, we changed the coach, so you could throw your no-hitter game. We gave you a new principal so that you could shine in your majestic glory. We gave you a new Daddy, Democrats, a new daddy!
Metaphors aside for a moment. Really, for all the roadblocks you hit while Bush was in office, we overwhelmingly voted in a new leader to the White House to alleviate your pain and suffering. We, as a nation, sighed a sigh of relief to the notion that "now, ok, now things will get done". Dems own Congress, in need of no Republican support whatsoever from Senate or the House of Representatives. Dems own the White House, no opposition from the President, as he's more visionary than most and is really, and I mean really trying to get things done. So now, with all of these pieces in place for Democrats as a group to do literally whatever you wanted with any aspect of our federal government, the first and ONLY thing you all decide to do is.........
Squabble.
I promise. If 2012 rolls around and we haven't reformed healthcare, made progress in Afghanistan, stopped the national economic tailspin, AND closed Guantanamo Bay, I'm switchin parties! Not only am I switching, but I'm campaigning, hard. For whomever the hell is not Republican or Democratic Party. I'll listen to any other party out there Independent, Green, Black Panther, you name it!
Because really, what's your excuse? WHAT IS YOUR EXCUSE!? You have none! Your opposition is insignificant! It's like your playing football and the defense only has 3 people on the other side of the scrimmage - and you jackasses are arguing about which play you want to execute to score the touchdown! How do you not realize that it doesn't matter what the hell you do, we just want to score!!
And so now, you blame Republicans for playing politics. You blame insurance companies for ambushing town hall meetings and spreading false rumors. You blame the previous administration for leaving such a huge mess left to clean up. But really, where I am sure all of those excuses are real and factual - it's October. It is October. It is October. And besides pulling the trigger on a stimulus package that was already halfway written this time last year, you have nothing to show for yourselves.
This is the epitome of shameful. Stupid Democrats.
Monday, September 21, 2009
the stages of relationships
The following is a conversation I had in a Waffle House at 3am with Gigi. More informative than I was expecting it to be, it turned out to be rather accurate in it's portrayal. Hence, I bring it about here. The stages and definitions of a relationships and their titles (as I see it):
1) Attraction. This level is the basic notion of interest. Be it a friend, acquaintance, or associate, one begins to admire an individual and desires them. The extent of said desire is irrelevant in this stage, as the only significant fact is that desire is present, and mutual. In this stage, flirting takes place - laughter, shared interest, and some form of physical contact (light embrace, held hands, close dance, movie snug, etc.) Note: this is also the stage where jealously enters.
2) "Diggin". This stage establishes the fact that both parties are interested in the other. For, though attraction may be mutual, it may not be actually feasible to act on. So consider this stage the green light, where both parties not only get to know one another, but also get the indication that the subsequent stages are attainable. Go ahead, put your cards out on the table, have that good talk, move from the movie snug to the full on make-out session during Kill Bill Vol. 2 (which you thought was going to be so much better than it was). Note: if potential jealously wasn't there before, it definitely is there now.
3) Casual Dating. Pay attention, these next three stages are tricky. Casual dating means that you are spending time with a person that you like, doing things that you enjoy doing with that person, with the potential that intimate encounters may ensue. No expectations. No obligations. No responsibilities. No strings. Fellas, you don't have to call her and tell her goodnight. Not at this stage. Ladies, you don't have to call him to let him know you made it in safe. Nothing. Nada. It's all just for fun. It's like a sparring match. It's like teaching without tenure. At any point it could end and you can't cry foul about it. But know this, if you plan on moving up in stages, what you do in the casual stage does count. The points, though drawn in pencil, are there. And you can't advance to the next stage in dating, if you don't come correct in this one.
4) Basic Dating. So, when a good movie is coming out soon, you already know who you're gonna call. When your friend is about to get married, you already know who you want to ask as your date. This is Basic Dating. This is when you can say, "I am dating this person." They are your go-to. Though you may have a roster, or other people you're interested in, this is your "main squeeze". Expectations start come into play here, and how one handles those expectations dictates the course of the relationship from here on out. Actions here determine whether or not the relationship moves on to the next stage, or if it disintegrates entirely.
5) Exclusive Dating. For whatever reason, you don't call each other "boyfriend/girlfriend" and though everyone knows the deal, you still introduce them to people as your "friend". This is the only difference between Exclusive Dating and Exclusive Relationship. It's just not official. You can still play the "I'm not your man/woman" card. The expectations are there, but the obligations are not. The design is there, but the responsibility is not. And without obligations and responsibility comes the freedom from consideration. You're still in it for yourself at this stage, despite the fact that you are clearly with only one person and share your experiences with them more than most. Despite the fact that everyone else considers you to be a couple, though between the two of you it's more "undefined". This stage can be both beautiful and frustrating depending on the day and depending on where both parties are in their lives.
6) Exclusive Relationship. The bells and whistles are now attached, and you either love it or hate it. This stage deserves it's own handbook, and I'm sure more than enough exist. This is, for all intents and purposes, for adults, known as "courting". Let's be honest, we can't sit around wasting each others' time. We have careers and lives to think about now. We can't allow ourselves to just jump into relationships just for the hell of it and think it's nothing. That was stage 3. Don't even come up to stage 6 without rain boots on. Really, this is consistency, consideration, communication, and collaboration. Daily. Daily. And it's all worth it if it's real. If it's true. If it isn't, it shouldn't go into the next stage at all, nor will it last in this one. This is really where two become coalesced, not that they become one, but that they just become intertwined. This is the stage where it's "official". The whole "boyfriend/girlfriend" thing. The meet the parents and the friends and all. This is the person you are truly interested in, and want to make work out to something lasting, or nothing at all.
7) Marriage. And Engagement, for those that are going to nitpick. This is for all the marbles. You should expect this person to greet you in heaven. It's not an easy stage at all. It's the previous stage times, well, a lot. But it is simple. Just love each other through literally everything. Simple, but not easy. Though, if you made it through all of the previous six stages, and still made it here, hopefully you've built up foundation enough to really make it to the home stretch. For those more spiritual, marriage is really defined as the union between two individuals and God. Though not an easy venture, it has potential to be one of the most beautiful things to behold.
Case and point, just to demonstrate the stages.
Case: Eric is buying a house. How would this be handled, based on the stage of relationship?
Stage 1 - Attraction - Eric is going to ensure that Faith is invited to the house warming party.
Stage 2 - Diggin - Eric is sure to invite Faith to the house warming party personally. Will ensure personal time with her.
Stage 3 - Casual Dating - Faith comes with friends so as to not appear alone or overeager, to which they (or at least she) is one of the last to leave, if she does. Eric accommodates and spends quality time during, and especially near the end of the house warming.
Stage 4 - Dating - Eric lets Faith know that he is buying a house weeks before hand just in conversation. As such, he takes her by just to see it before the house warming is thrown. She thinks it's special that he takes her by before some of his other friends.
Stage 5 - Exclusive Dating - Eric asks Faith to help him throw the house warming party, to which she accepts and assists. She invites friends and makes the run for food/drink when things run low so as to free Eric up to be a good host. She stays after to help him clean and relax.
Stage 6 - Exclusive Relationship - Faith is included on the house warming idea from day one, and her opinion of the house before Eric signs for it is significant to him. She may even help decorate a bit, depending on how deep the relationship is. She helps clean up afterwards, and enlists others to help as well. Maybe even some breakfast in the morning.
Stage 7 - Marriage/Engagement - The house gets signed for when both parties are more than satisfied. The house warming party is of equal initiative and is of equal responsibility. Eric and Faith take a moment to thank everyone for coming out near the end of the party, and end the night with one last song from The Dave Matthews Band.
And there you have it. Questions? Comments? Concerns?
1) Attraction. This level is the basic notion of interest. Be it a friend, acquaintance, or associate, one begins to admire an individual and desires them. The extent of said desire is irrelevant in this stage, as the only significant fact is that desire is present, and mutual. In this stage, flirting takes place - laughter, shared interest, and some form of physical contact (light embrace, held hands, close dance, movie snug, etc.) Note: this is also the stage where jealously enters.
2) "Diggin". This stage establishes the fact that both parties are interested in the other. For, though attraction may be mutual, it may not be actually feasible to act on. So consider this stage the green light, where both parties not only get to know one another, but also get the indication that the subsequent stages are attainable. Go ahead, put your cards out on the table, have that good talk, move from the movie snug to the full on make-out session during Kill Bill Vol. 2 (which you thought was going to be so much better than it was). Note: if potential jealously wasn't there before, it definitely is there now.
3) Casual Dating. Pay attention, these next three stages are tricky. Casual dating means that you are spending time with a person that you like, doing things that you enjoy doing with that person, with the potential that intimate encounters may ensue. No expectations. No obligations. No responsibilities. No strings. Fellas, you don't have to call her and tell her goodnight. Not at this stage. Ladies, you don't have to call him to let him know you made it in safe. Nothing. Nada. It's all just for fun. It's like a sparring match. It's like teaching without tenure. At any point it could end and you can't cry foul about it. But know this, if you plan on moving up in stages, what you do in the casual stage does count. The points, though drawn in pencil, are there. And you can't advance to the next stage in dating, if you don't come correct in this one.
4) Basic Dating. So, when a good movie is coming out soon, you already know who you're gonna call. When your friend is about to get married, you already know who you want to ask as your date. This is Basic Dating. This is when you can say, "I am dating this person." They are your go-to. Though you may have a roster, or other people you're interested in, this is your "main squeeze". Expectations start come into play here, and how one handles those expectations dictates the course of the relationship from here on out. Actions here determine whether or not the relationship moves on to the next stage, or if it disintegrates entirely.
5) Exclusive Dating. For whatever reason, you don't call each other "boyfriend/girlfriend" and though everyone knows the deal, you still introduce them to people as your "friend". This is the only difference between Exclusive Dating and Exclusive Relationship. It's just not official. You can still play the "I'm not your man/woman" card. The expectations are there, but the obligations are not. The design is there, but the responsibility is not. And without obligations and responsibility comes the freedom from consideration. You're still in it for yourself at this stage, despite the fact that you are clearly with only one person and share your experiences with them more than most. Despite the fact that everyone else considers you to be a couple, though between the two of you it's more "undefined". This stage can be both beautiful and frustrating depending on the day and depending on where both parties are in their lives.
6) Exclusive Relationship. The bells and whistles are now attached, and you either love it or hate it. This stage deserves it's own handbook, and I'm sure more than enough exist. This is, for all intents and purposes, for adults, known as "courting". Let's be honest, we can't sit around wasting each others' time. We have careers and lives to think about now. We can't allow ourselves to just jump into relationships just for the hell of it and think it's nothing. That was stage 3. Don't even come up to stage 6 without rain boots on. Really, this is consistency, consideration, communication, and collaboration. Daily. Daily. And it's all worth it if it's real. If it's true. If it isn't, it shouldn't go into the next stage at all, nor will it last in this one. This is really where two become coalesced, not that they become one, but that they just become intertwined. This is the stage where it's "official". The whole "boyfriend/girlfriend" thing. The meet the parents and the friends and all. This is the person you are truly interested in, and want to make work out to something lasting, or nothing at all.
7) Marriage. And Engagement, for those that are going to nitpick. This is for all the marbles. You should expect this person to greet you in heaven. It's not an easy stage at all. It's the previous stage times, well, a lot. But it is simple. Just love each other through literally everything. Simple, but not easy. Though, if you made it through all of the previous six stages, and still made it here, hopefully you've built up foundation enough to really make it to the home stretch. For those more spiritual, marriage is really defined as the union between two individuals and God. Though not an easy venture, it has potential to be one of the most beautiful things to behold.
Case and point, just to demonstrate the stages.
Case: Eric is buying a house. How would this be handled, based on the stage of relationship?
Stage 1 - Attraction - Eric is going to ensure that Faith is invited to the house warming party.
Stage 2 - Diggin - Eric is sure to invite Faith to the house warming party personally. Will ensure personal time with her.
Stage 3 - Casual Dating - Faith comes with friends so as to not appear alone or overeager, to which they (or at least she) is one of the last to leave, if she does. Eric accommodates and spends quality time during, and especially near the end of the house warming.
Stage 4 - Dating - Eric lets Faith know that he is buying a house weeks before hand just in conversation. As such, he takes her by just to see it before the house warming is thrown. She thinks it's special that he takes her by before some of his other friends.
Stage 5 - Exclusive Dating - Eric asks Faith to help him throw the house warming party, to which she accepts and assists. She invites friends and makes the run for food/drink when things run low so as to free Eric up to be a good host. She stays after to help him clean and relax.
Stage 6 - Exclusive Relationship - Faith is included on the house warming idea from day one, and her opinion of the house before Eric signs for it is significant to him. She may even help decorate a bit, depending on how deep the relationship is. She helps clean up afterwards, and enlists others to help as well. Maybe even some breakfast in the morning.
Stage 7 - Marriage/Engagement - The house gets signed for when both parties are more than satisfied. The house warming party is of equal initiative and is of equal responsibility. Eric and Faith take a moment to thank everyone for coming out near the end of the party, and end the night with one last song from The Dave Matthews Band.
And there you have it. Questions? Comments? Concerns?
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