i think it is important to realize that people, as a whole, do not like change. the average person - maybe. however, people, the masses, are generally against change. historically speaking, people have gathered by the majority of masses against radical thought, unconventional shifts within society, and the implementation of taboo ideals. the civil rights movement which marked a turn in the middle of the 20th century, which is now honored as a great stride in American History and is considered a victory for America's ability to change and mature, was initially a time of unrest, fear, crime, rampage, and anger. on both sides of the civil rights movement, there existed a general and overwhelming amount of criticism about whether or not the movement should even take place. at the time, black-only communities were beginning to flourish, and the integration of white communities and white schools meant that these very same maturing communities would be deemed second rate, passed-over, and ultimately passed-up for more viable options in other neighborhoods. the white-only communities of the time also met this change with resistance, as it meant sharing the businesses they owned and operated with a culture they did not know, did not trust, and generally thought to be inferior to their own. now, i'm no historian, but believe that this resistance was met with government force, as the integration of communities and cultures began to make sense in terms of capitalism and gentrification. it was also supported by the powers that be after change seemed to be inevitable, a force that was picking up momentum, either in the direction of the non-violent Christan movement led by Dr. King, or in the direction of black-superiority and defensive aggression, led by the Nation of Islam and Malcolm X. with those "powers that be" considering the better of the two, Dr. King was nationally exalted for his work and cause, and it was then pushed throughout America that if one were to join this force of change, his would be the direction to go. and though history tends to be kind to positive moments of change in a given society, this push for change was a by-product of the civil unrest that the same change initially started, and was a socially painful time in which to live because of it.
i bring this up to not to attest whether or not change is necessary when it is implemented, but rather to point out that, necessary or not, history shows us that it is almost always met with civil unrest, harsh criticism, and frustration among the masses. where monumental change is seen, you will find initial resistance from the masses and overall disapproval from the people it affects. the cases stretch far and wide. Jesus introduced radical concepts that led to his publicly endorsed death for the world to witness. Lincoln introduced taboo ideals into law that led to his public downfall and assassination. Galileo was considered crazy. Einstein was a laughing stock. Marcus Garvey was deemed a "traitor and lunatic" even by fellow black idealist of the day.
change is not accepted by the masses. and is especially rejected by American culture.
and so, when considering why the campaign of Barack Obama, one that was centered on the pillar of change, was so accepted and renowned, the thought initially seems to be an anomaly. the notion that, all of a sudden, the masses support and corroborate this pledge of change in Washington, this idea of change in racial barriers, and the concept of change in our society, appears to contradict history itself by implying that masses and multitude do, in fact, welcome change where change is needed. and though this implication may seem air-tight, i choose to stand on the side of history. i propose that when analyzing the cause and and reason behind the colossal support of Obama's platform, one need not believe that people have reach some new level of maturity or courage. one need not think that history has shifted and that people as a whole now welcome change for no reason, or because it is now exceptionally needed where before it wasn't. no, i beg of you not to think that people are now, for the first time in the history of people, ready to welcome change in a way that has been undocumented since the beginning of time simply because Obama is that uplifting, that inspiring, that encouraging, or that cool. i would rather you look at this phenomenon from a different angle: that Obama's administration does not represent change at all.
on the contrary. Obama's campaign does not represent an era of change, but rather a return to the familiar. during the campaign, they likened him to figures such as JFK and King, his proposals like that of Carter and Clinton, and his swagger to that of a young Bobby Kennedy. Obama does not represent change, he represents a return to a golden era. his promises are that of fixing that which is broken, not creating something new. his speeches are of returning America back to power, not to taking a new stance in the world. Bush, if anything, represented change in American policies and practices - Obama is a return to the illusion of morality that American prides itself on. the change in which he speaks, is change from change, changing back, changing from the beast that America has become to the beast that we once were. and it is this change that the American masses support. it is this change that American masses are addicted to. even his racial identity, though seemingly a change in American prejudice, is more so a return in the American superiority complex. we raise our banners and flags to say "look what we did! look what we accomplished! America has overcome it's own history of hatred and bigotry! look countries that have ousted us from your circles of trust! we can change! we are different! we are better!"
and i, i do not fall outside of this mass of people. i am not on the outside looking in. i lift that banner to, in my own American pride, in my own cultural superiority complex. i too want to return to the way things were. i too long for the economy i grew up in, and the education programs that i was schooled. i too long for this change from change, this return from destitution, this revival of America. i long for it. i love it. i support it and the catalyst in which it has been represented - this man that has given us all hope to return the familiar and the greatness our country once was.
and though, a part of me possesses this hope of return, there is a larger part of me telling myself that it can never go back to the way it was. things have changed for real. over the last decade, things have changed so slowly, it did not receive the resistance it deserved. i do not fault Obama for selling his campaign on change, when it is really restoration, because that is simply a matter of semantics. a play on words. i simply want to keep things in perspective, respecting the history of change and what it means to be amongst it. because, though his intentions may be to restore America, his efforts to do so may really result in actual change. and history tells, that change is a hard thing for people to truly accept. i pray for the best. i prepare for the impact of what may be a defining decade for our generation, our nation, and our people as a whole.
on the day that my president takes office, on the very moment, with his hand on the Bible and the oath being heard by all - i will be sitting in a classroom along the offskirts of Puerto Rico, eating a peanut butter/jelly sandwich, probably breaking a sweat in the heat. hence, with no tv around, and no access to the internet from my laptop there, i will attempt to post access this very website from my iPhone and hope that this link to the live showing on Hulu will work. ah, the audacity of such hope. to think that i will be able to access qhat may be the most important link of our generation on my iPhone from the middle of an island during my lunch break. to check it out though, I'm going to also embed this link to Stewie Griffin flirting with girls at Brown University just to see if it's even remotely possible. then the only question is whether it will be able to handle the whole "live" thing. we'll see.
if not, i won't feel too bad. i did the most important thing that i could think of, and that was vote. i was watching live when Hillary "suspended" her campaign. and was watching live when he won the elections on Nov. 4. so, the bulk of things I've wanted to do in regard to this gives me solace for missing the inauguration. at least a little. and as much as i'd love to be in dc, chances are that i would get stuck, and inevitably fired for missing a month of work. i'll just have to witness it in the same mode that I have to witness the first episode of Lost this season - "later".
I pray for the safety of Obama and all of America as we try to cross this huge milestone in our history and legacy as a generation, as a nation, and as a whole. and use this as motivation to do be great someday, sacrificing that which I truly want to do for the sake of this venture in which i fell led to do. i can't let this be for not. i can't let this be in vain. i have to make this experience worth every missed birthday, every lost friend, every passes up opportunity, for the audacious hope that it will amount to more than i can possible envision at this point in my life.
"Let me know Do I still got time to grow? Things ain't always set in stone That being known let me know Let me
Seems like street lights glowing Happen to be just like moments passing in front of me So I hopped in the cab and I paid my fares See I know my destination But I'm just not there" - Kanye West, Street Lights
it peeks over the horizon like the break of dawn over an endless pasture. i suppose it has always been there though. in hindsight, i know that i have always been able to see aura of it. like the faint orange hue of that same dawn before the sun cracks over the edge of vision. yet, what perplexes me is that, though i see the prelude of its form, and can glimpse the outline of it's structure, it comes without crescendo. it is my future. and though i am able to see it take form right before my eyes, it comes without the cymbals, trumpets or percussion. it comes without explosion, blast, or fire. it edges toward the horizon without fanfare, without celebration, without applause.
without observance. but, somewhere, i thought it would have.
not that i knew it would, or wouldn't. but i suppose it was a hope. maybe i've seen too many movies. in the scripts of hollywood, once the characters destiny and purpose was realized, there was a moment, a sudden awakening in their very essence. the lighting would change. the wind would rustle in their air. the theme song would play softly int he background, and build to a mighty forefront as the protagonist races against time to fulfill said destiny and proclaim said purpose.
but not mine.
mine is a thief in the night for some reason. and the only reason i can think of is because it's not coming at all. it's always been there. it's stationary. the same way that the sun doesn't come or go, but rather, leaves the dynamics of dawn and dusk up to the planet's rotation. it is never the dawn we see breaking over the horizon really, it's Earth turning toward the Sun. and as such, i am now led to believe that my purpose hasn't started to approach me, but rather, it is I that has started to approach my purpose. it is i that come without fanfare or celebration. it is i that comes without percussion or horn. it is i coming over horizon like a thief in the night. moving slowly towards my future. hell, maybe my future is excited to see me. perhaps it's perplexed as to why i peek over the edge of vision without observance. for, it has been waiting for me. and i have been waiting to come upon it. but i am not there yet.
perhaps we all are walking our paths, blindly and ignorantly waiting for our destinies to meet us upon the road; where in reality, it is a static fixture, one which we approach in our own time, one that waits with infinite patience and tranquility. it makes me wonder.
lately, i have been in deep thought and contemplation about being a grown man. it has been a staple in my mind since i have moved to puerto rico. i moved here with no job, no housing, no friends, no prospects. i prayed and had faith that God was going to look out for me, since it was His will i figured i was following. and true to that will, I have been taken care of. car, job, apartment, friends, and getting used to the budget. I thank God for it. and whether it was the will of God or not (probably was) a lot has happened with me since my move here. a lot of growth has taken place. this isn't where i go in depth as to what those changes are. some are too lengthy, some are too personal. some i'm still hesitant to fully comprehend. but one thing is for sure, i have come to a point where i have a secure image of what a grown man is. the "grown man image", if you will. this is what i have so far:
1) Centered Belief System - whether christian, buddist, muslim, or other, a grown man needs to believe in a higher power than himself - even if that higher power is simply the force of science and logic to that of which he admittedly does not understand. without this understanding, he can come to confuse his success and victories as being solely the products of his own endeavor, inevitably leading to vanity, self-centeredness, and a God-like mentality. this is childish. not grown man.
2) Definition - we are not defined by our job. or are we defined by our social affiliations, sexual preferences, financial status, or degree completions. a grown man should not be referred to as "Roben - the doctor" or "Brian - the Q" or "Kenan - CEO of said company". the problem is that, it not up to the people who refer to a grown man to rectify this labeling, but up to us to be multi-faceted enough to eliminate the labels. a grown man has to be flexible enough to have his hand in several projects, putting on more lables than can be applied to him. we cannot be so close-minded that we cling to one arena of our lives. being active in one endeavor does not eliminate the chance to excel in another. a grown man is define himself not by that which he does, but by the passion which motivates him to do what he does. defining a person should not be so easy. as a grown man, i would rather my definition be more inexpressible.
3) Money - i'm not saying rich, but a man should know how to spend/not to spend his money. like, i'm not trying to be deep here. let's get real tangible with these next few. though they don't have to be mountains of cash, a grown man should have a savings account, a checking account, and an investment or too. that investment one might be a bit more difficult in today's economic climate, but a grown man should at least be able to be fully aware of what that climate is, and his plan to maneuver within it. even if that plan fails, it should be present.
4) Relationships - monogamy. say what you want, but dating multiple women is difficult. even leaving the moral aspect out of it, as a grown man, there's just not enough time. it's just not. all of that frustration and juggling, and keeping up with the dates, and what you said to this one, and what you said to that one, and who you took here and there, and the money spent. just logistically, it's easier, and more satisfying, to just be with one woman. i'm not saying be a saint. let's also be mature. if i'm not digging a woman, i should tell her. make it work or leave. i'm not saying that as a grown man one has to be married; i'm just saying that simultaneous dating situations unnecessary at this point.
5) Organization - i would like to have a clean place. not super clean. but clean. i should be able to go out, have a great night with a woman, and feel confident in the appearance of my home if she so feel the need to come inside. if she is thirsty, cool, i got that. and i have it because i bought more before i ran out! if she is sleepy, i got a tshirt for her, and it smells nice, because i washed my clothes. it's even comfortable because i used fabric softener. it softens the fucking fabric! when i have a problem with my bills and need to reference something, i should be able to pull out that folder or portfolio. i should be able to open the desk drawer and put my hands on it. my ties are with the other ties! my socks all have pairs! and where this may never be true, if i aim for it, just aim for it, half of this category i would consider to be "grown man".
6) Job - gotta have one. and whatever it is, be damn gotta try my best at it. if i'm looking for something else, i have to look for it while i have a job. if laid off, or fired, that new job is looking for a new job. income is necessary.
7) Calm Down - unless one is a promoter (per #6) everyone on the club scene should not know a grown man. period. don't get me wrong, some people are popular, and as such, going out to the club, they may just know everybody. that's fine. but if everyone knows a particular individual because they are always in the club, that's a problem. calm down. if a grown man is always at the club, then they can't be doing #1 - 6 right. and every woman remembers that old ass dude that was hitting on them while they were college girls enjoying the night out. yeah, a grown ass man, always in the club, he is that old ass dude hitting on the college girls now! 5 - 10 years ago, he'd be the guy that the college girls would cling to, saying, "dance with me, that creepy guy over there keeps looking at me, i feel more comfortable here with you..." yeah, then it was "thanks old ass dude". but that's not the case anymore. grown men cannot be at all the undergrad parties, should not show up at a multitude of frat bashes, and should not be going to probate shows, market fridays, high school/college pep rallies to enjoy themselves!
8) Bills - pay them.
9) Fun - after looking back at this list, i see that i have said a lot of things i think a grown man cannot do anymore. this is just to say that "fun"a the grown man point has changed. a friend of mine told me last night that, as a 25-year-old, i am officially in the grown-and-sexy bracket. this means that the party doesn't start until "Before I Let You Go" comes over the speakers. and i agree. this means that one drinks, but does not get drunk. i agree. this means that fighting in the club is an anomaly, especially considering the fact that the club itself is no longer the norm. house parties, poker nights, tailgates, football games, casinos, camping, rafting, hunting, pool, theatre, concerts, plays, growing drugs, stand-up comedy, speed dating, pottery, museums...all the things we couldn't do until we were 18 to 21, but couldn't afford until now, are actually fun things to do. grown man things to do.
10) Relax - i didn't think there would be 10 things here actually. i got all the way up to 6 and felt odd leaving it there. so i had to think more. so lastly, i think the image of a grown man is always one that gives the impression that things are in control. whether they are, or aren't. a man should have a plan. and though things don't always go according to that plan, there should be one. but even as such, a grown man can't flip out when the plan goes disarray. he should relax, things are what they are, and will be what they will be.
i didn't have a plan when i came to puerto rico. and though God looked out for me, I now know that there were many aspects of my life that i went without planning. many more aspects that were not grown man. i'm not there yet though, i'm working on it. trying to mold myself into this image of what being a mature, responsible, grown man is. some of this list may even change, or be added upon. but it's a start right? yeah, it's a start.
"the alchemist" changed my life. to that degree, that and other books, have been listed by this guy that i randomly came across today. the blog site itself is now placed on the list with my other favorite blogs, but one entry in particular lists a number of life changing books that i strongly agree with. for you readers out there, i suggest you check it out, http://bookreviewsandmore.ca/2005/10/books-that-will-change-your-life.html
actually, the way i found this site, was that i had a very vivid dream of getting in a gang fight on the lot of my old church in Atlanta. analytically, it was probably my sub-conscious going to war over the ongoing confusion (and internal difference of opinion) as to God's calling on my life. that neatly explains the majority of the dream. but then, as i was carrying my gun out of church (cmon, it was a gang war, what did you think i was going to bring?church or no church!) i saw edward norton with his back on the ground, face turned up looking into the barrel of a pistol held by the rival gang's leader. in hindsight, i think that was also me. hence, to save edward norton, i shot myself. myself shot me back. and for a full clip, myself and i continued to shoot each other, only hitting each other to create hollywood flesh wounds in the shoulders, thighs, and whatnot. edward norton also caught a random shot in the stomach, which oddly didn't seem to affect him at all. probably because i admire his work so (at least all of which was before 2005, check imdb.com). i don't know if i actually killed my other self or not. i suppose we'll find out when i become a either a preacher or a DJ. but either way, i got to a point where edward norton pulled me up, and we limped to safety, where he turned into a gorgeous woman of sanaa lathan appearance and started to unbutton her bra. of course, that's when the alarm went off, and i left my apartment to go teach over-croweded classes of puerto rico's upper class, private-school enrolled pre-teenagers.
upon wanted to write all of that, i went searching for a picture of edward norton (all the pictures of half-naked sanaa lathan were hard to come by). even more difficult were pictures of edward norton lying on the ground, looking into the barrel of a pistol. and i know he has done scenes like that (fight club, red dragon, death to smoochy, i'm a fan, really). ultimately though, the pic led me to this guy's site (listed above) as he was reviewing the book Haunted by Chuck Palahniuk, whom also wrote Fight Club, both of which i have read and enjoyed. i went on to surf this guy's site and, there you have it, a new found love for reading books again. i suppose this guy and i just have similar tastes.
which brings me to wonder what the hell i am doing with my life to the point where i don't have time to read anymore. i miss reading, but it is time-consuming. when i get in a book, i am sucked in for real. i was doing good a month or two ago, and then i got electricity, internet, and a car, and all of a sudden, reading a home became the last thing to do on my list, despite the fact that i enjoyed it so. maybe i just need a good chair.
so, let's see. we have 1) random book reviewing website, 2) crazy-ass dream in which i might have killed myself, 3) self-reflection as to whether or not God wants me to be a minister, 4) simultaneous web surfing for pictures of edward norton and naked sanaa lathan, 5) puzzlement over my lapse in consistent reading, and 6) recent firefox tab opening to craigslist for reclining chairs for sale.
i think this entry wrapped up nicely. thank you. have a nice day.
there is much to say on this topic. but i'm not going to now. it's 2:30 in the morning and i have a ton of work to do tonight. all i know is that, i saw this commercial for mcdonalds, and i get it, i really do. yet, at the same time, i don't. i comprehend the satire placed on the formulaic r&b songs, and even apprehend the silliness about singing so passionately about chicken nuggets. i get it, i do. and if this were a case of just being silly; had it just been a spoof on SNL or some other sketch comedy show; had it just been a youtube video by people with too much time on their hands; i would be able to appreciate the creativity and wit of this commercial. however, it is not a simple spoof. nor is it a satire created for the purposes of entertainment and comedy. this commercial is just that, a commercial. no message. no meaning or selling points. it's decent, but infuses a level of culture that makes me consider how this was even arrived to in the boardroom. in the ad department of mcdonalds, how did this concept get from someone's brain, out of their mouth, onto paper, into print, and then filmed without someone saying, "hey, this is a stupid idea".
for all intents and purposes, i have included, below this stupid commercial, a actual funny commercial. in my opinion, sprite had the best infusion of black culture mixed with commercial marketing to date, with their "image is nothing, thirst is everything" ride about 8 years ago. the bottom commercial here is, by far, one of the best commercials i have ever seen. enough for it to have stuck in my head for nearly a decade. indeed mcdonalds, "what, what is your motivation?"
i think it is important to realize that people, as a whole, do not like change. the average person - maybe. however, people, the masses, are generally against change. historically speaking, people have gathered by the majority of masses against radical thought, unconventional shifts within society, and the implementation of taboo ideals. the civil rights movement which marked a turn in the middle of the 20th century, which is now honored as a great stride in American History and is considered a victory for America's ability to change and mature, was initially a time of unrest, fear, crime, rampage, and anger. on both sides of the civil rights movement, there existed a general and overwhelming amount of criticism about whether or not the movement should even take place. at the time, black-only communities were beginning to flourish, and the integration of white communities and white schools meant that these very same maturing communities would be deemed second rate, passed-over, and ultimately passed-up for more viable options in other neighborhoods. the white-only communities of the time also met this change with resistance, as it meant sharing the businesses they owned and operated with a culture they did not know, did not trust, and generally thought to be inferior to their own. now, i'm no historian, but believe that this resistance was met with government force, as the integration of communities and cultures began to make sense in terms of capitalism and gentrification. it was also supported by the powers that be after change seemed to be inevitable, a force that was picking up momentum, either in the direction of the non-violent Christan movement led by Dr. King, or in the direction of black-superiority and defensive aggression, led by the Nation of Islam and Malcolm X. with those "powers that be" considering the better of the two, Dr. King was nationally exalted for his work and cause, and it was then pushed throughout America that if one were to join this force of change, his would be the direction to go. and though history tends to be kind to positive moments of change in a given society, this push for change was a by-product of the civil unrest that the same change initially started, and was a socially painful time in which to live because of it. 
